IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define and what factors contribute to achieving happiness?

#happiness #life #factors
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is of
great
Add an article
the great
show examples
 worth of
discuss
Change the verb form
discussing
show examples
 whether or not in many countries,
traditions
Use synonyms
 and
customs
Use synonyms
 are disappearing. The answer to
this
Linking Words
 question can vary depending on each individual’s perspective. As far as I am concerned, we should keep our
traditions
Use synonyms
 because of several reasons.
First
Linking Words
 of all, lots of
students
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days are not interested in our
customs
Use synonyms
 and
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
cultures
Use synonyms
. It is a proven fact that a considerable amount of time is wasted due to
huge
Correct article usage
the huge
show examples
 workloads they need to study. For
this
Linking Words
 reason,
students
Use synonyms
 do not have enough time to have
experience
Use synonyms
 of
traditions
Use synonyms
 and
cultures
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, one of my foreign friends studying in a university has
hectic
Add an article
a hectic
show examples
 schedule
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every week, so it does not allow him to be exposed
our
Change preposition
to our
show examples
customs
Use synonyms
. I suppose that
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 should include
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
history classes so that they can access
traditions
Use synonyms
 enough.
Second
Linking Words
, having
experience
Use synonyms
traditions
Use synonyms
 enables
students
Use synonyms
 to widen their perspective. While involving in
such
Linking Words
 taking in cultural classes they can familiar with
customs
Use synonyms
 that they have not experienced.
This
Linking Words
 leads people to understand
worth
Add an article
the worth
show examples
 of
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
cultures
Use synonyms
 and widen their view. In my case, I had
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
time to introduce
about
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
my
cultures
Use synonyms
 to
students
Use synonyms
came
Add a pronoun
who came
show examples
 from
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, I couldn’t let them know because of my less
experience
Use synonyms
. They need to pay more attention to prevent disappearing.
Students
Use synonyms
 should be given
many
Correct your spelling
any
show examples
opportunity
Change to a plural noun
opportunities
show examples
 to
experience
Use synonyms
 since they
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
child
Add an article
a child
show examples
. To summarize what I mentioned above I am for the notion that it is necessary for us to make an effort in order to protect and
further
Linking Words
 develop our
customs
Use synonyms
 and
traditions
Use synonyms
. Not school and parent but individuals should be concerned own
culures
Correct your spelling
cultures
culture
.
Submitted by dudgnsqufaud on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: