IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people prefer to have temporary jobs, which means they only work a few months in a year and use the rest of the time to do what they want. What is your opinion?

#people #jobs #work #months #year #rest #time
Doing temporary work is usually regarded as a significantly negative impact on people’s careers in modern societies, and I think many adults are unwilling to give up making money to spend a long
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing something that they like.
This
 essay will analyse
this
 phenomenon and illustrate my opinion. From a historic perspective, ancient men normally live with the seasons. In fact, our ancestors did not hustle and bustle in their lives, and they have more free
time
 than today’s people do some interesting things.
For example
, farmers were busy to plant seeds in the spring, and harvested crop in the autumn. Herdsmen pasture their cattle on the extensive grassland. For the rest of the
time
, they did what the like, including creating new tools for production, writing brilliant poems for beloved ones, drawing pictures follow one’s feeling.
As a result
, those things created gradually became a piece of the civilization of human. Coming back to the present, in modern society, everyone becomes a part of the machinery. Citizens under heavy pressure have to follow the fast-paced society, someone won and someone lost.
This
 arouses some people making the decision to change their lifestyle, following their feeling to enjoy short
time
 life, innovate new things according to their passion and enthusiasm.
For example
,
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
 Ang Lee, who is a famous movie director. He had never had a formal job before he became a celebrity. In conclusion, I deeply understand that
this
 phenomenon
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
today will become normal in the future. Everyone should change thinking pattern to ask societies give them more liberal
time
 to achieve one’s potential and release one’s giftedness ,
instead
 of working like robots, living like slaves.
Submitted by henrybeee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • flexibility
  • pursue
  • self-development
  • life satisfaction
  • balance
  • job security
  • financial instability
  • stress and anxiety
  • unemployment
  • long-term financial commitments
  • diverse experiences
  • employability
  • broader perspective
  • adaptable
  • innovative
  • career progression
  • benefits
  • personal growth
  • financial security
  • invest
  • career milestones
What to do next:
Look at other essays: