In many societies, there is a growing emphasis in individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interest. Is this is a positive or negative development?

#societies #emphasis #individualism #people #goals #desires #interest #development

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Some

people

Use synonyms

are convinced that their individual goal is more vital than the aim of the whole team.

This

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is caused by the statement of the new society, where compared with teamwork, personal task achievements are highly rewarded.

However

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, these change leads to adverse improvement in society, because projects from a global perspective can not be done by one human and group work will always show significant effectiveness. First and foremost, the emphasis on personal aims prevents global problems from being solved. Worldwide issues can not be tackled easily, because they require knowledge from disparate fields;

therefore

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, more than one individual must be participated in

such

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problem solutions.

For instance

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, climate change affects all countries over the world. In order to prevent the rising of the temperature, the data from different areas of the Earth should be collected and the groups of scientists must cooperate and think about the solution.

Secondly

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, collective working leads to much more effective results, compared with ones, those done by individuals.

This

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is caused by the reason that when

people

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discuss about problem, they reveal the hidden parts of the puzzle through comparing different views.

Such

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discussions often provide new ideas and practical solutions.

For example

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, the most significant breakthroughs in science are made by groups of two or more

people

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like Irene Curie and her husband, who won the Nobel prize for creating radioactive elements. In conclusion, pursuing personal aims by

people

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, results in an inability to handle global issues and deal with obstacles productively.

Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on Mon Oct 16 2023

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coherence cohesion

Overall, your argument is clear, but some sentences are too long making it difficult to follow the thoughts. Try to use more conjunctions and varied sentence structures to make your essay more readable.

task achievement

Your opinions are clearly expressed and the introduction and conclusion are present and well structured. However, they could be more engaging and specific. Make sure your conclusion succinctly summarizes the major points you've made without simply duplicating the wording of your arguments.

task achievement

You need to develop your ideas more thoroughly for a better task response. While you provide valid points, more clarity and precision in the communication of your ideas would improve your argument. Take time to fully explain disparate points or arguments.

task achievement

Good use of specific examples to support your points. Remember though that examples should be clearly linked to your arguments and elaborated on to show how they specifically support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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In many societies, there is a growing emphasis in individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interest. Is this is a positive or negative development?

Your opinion

Nowadays people are working too hard,what is the reason for that. what should employers do to prevent people form this.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?

Some people think that when recruiting, companies should aim to take on people who are innovative and able to work independently while others considered they should recruit people who are able to work in a team and follow instructions. Discuss both views.