In many societies, there is a growing emphasis in individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interest. Is this is a positive or negative development?

#societies #emphasis #individualism #people #goals #desires #interest #development

Some

people

are convinced that their individual goal is more vital than the aim of the whole team.

This

is caused by the statement of the new society, where compared with teamwork, personal task achievements are highly rewarded.

However

, these change leads to adverse improvement in society, because projects from a global perspective can not be done by one human and group work will always show significant effectiveness. First and foremost, the emphasis on personal aims prevents global problems from being solved. Worldwide issues can not be tackled easily, because they require knowledge from disparate fields;

therefore

, more than one individual must be participated in

such

problem solutions.

For instance

, climate change affects all countries over the world. In order to prevent the rising of the temperature, the data from different areas of the Earth should be collected and the groups of scientists must cooperate and think about the solution.

Secondly

, collective working leads to much more effective results, compared with ones, those done by individuals.

This

is caused by the reason that when

people

discuss about problem, they reveal the hidden parts of the puzzle through comparing different views.

Such

discussions often provide new ideas and practical solutions.

For example

, the most significant breakthroughs in science are made by groups of two or more

people

like Irene Curie and her husband, who won the Nobel prize for creating radioactive elements. In conclusion, pursuing personal aims by

people

, results in an inability to handle global issues and deal with obstacles productively.

Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on Mon Oct 16 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Overall, your argument is clear, but some sentences are too long making it difficult to follow the thoughts. Try to use more conjunctions and varied sentence structures to make your essay more readable.

task achievement

Your opinions are clearly expressed and the introduction and conclusion are present and well structured. However, they could be more engaging and specific. Make sure your conclusion succinctly summarizes the major points you've made without simply duplicating the wording of your arguments.

task achievement

You need to develop your ideas more thoroughly for a better task response. While you provide valid points, more clarity and precision in the communication of your ideas would improve your argument. Take time to fully explain disparate points or arguments.

task achievement

Good use of specific examples to support your points. Remember though that examples should be clearly linked to your arguments and elaborated on to show how they specifically support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

251 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Today, some food travels thousands of miles from farms to consumers, Some people think it would be better to our environment and economy if people only eat local food. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the advantages?
It is a hot topic for debate, the majority of people belive that eat local food would be better for our environment and economy. To begin with, I totally agree with this statement. Fist of all, it is easily available and always fresh and chemicals free. secondly, it is budget friendly.
4.5
band
You recently organised an all-day meeting for your company, Which took place in a local hotel. In their feedback, participants at the meeting said that they liked the hotel, but they were unhappy about the food that was served for lunch. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your lette say what the participants liked about the hotel explain why they were unhappy about the food suggest what manager should do to improve the food in future.
I am writing this letter to discuss about that the last month conducted meeting at your hotel. I am going to give feedback about the hotel and it's services, available facilities at that time.
7.5
band
These days in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved?
The number of people who are willing to choose teaching as their future career is decreasing rapidly every year. There are several reasons why society prefers other professions. In this essay, I will go through the reasons why this happens and provide possible solutions on how to improve this situation.
6
band
Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless o[ whether the course is useful to an employee. well in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?
Nowadays, some people hold the idea that university needs to offer students the knowledge and abilities which are required in their later career, while others consider that giving access to knowledge for its own sake is more important. In my opinion, I agree with the view that universities should provide some useful courses which are beneficial to work.
5
band
some people like to spend their liesure time after work with their coworkers while others like to keep their private life separate from work. Discuss both sides.
The importance of spending free time with either co-worker or not, which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming it is beneficial, while others reject this notion. The substantial influence of this trend has many sparked controversies over the potential impact in recent years. In this essay, we will discuss both views before coming to any conclusion.

In many societies, there is a growing emphasis in individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interest. Is this is a positive or negative development?

Your opinion

Today, some food travels thousands of miles from farms to consumers, Some people think it would be better to our environment and economy if people only eat local food. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the advantages?

These days in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved?

some people like to spend their liesure time after work with their coworkers while others like to keep their private life separate from work. Discuss both sides.