In many societies, there is a growing emphasis in individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interest. Is this is a positive or negative development?

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Some

people

Use synonyms

are convinced that their individual goal is more vital than the aim of the whole team.

This

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is caused by the statement of the new society, where compared with teamwork, personal task achievements are highly rewarded.

However

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, these change leads to adverse improvement in society, because projects from a global perspective can not be done by one human and group work will always show significant effectiveness. First and foremost, the emphasis on personal aims prevents global problems from being solved. Worldwide issues can not be tackled easily, because they require knowledge from disparate fields;

therefore

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, more than one individual must be participated in

such

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problem solutions.

For instance

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, climate change affects all countries over the world. In order to prevent the rising of the temperature, the data from different areas of the Earth should be collected and the groups of scientists must cooperate and think about the solution.

Secondly

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, collective working leads to much more effective results, compared with ones, those done by individuals.

This

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is caused by the reason that when

people

Use synonyms

discuss about problem, they reveal the hidden parts of the puzzle through comparing different views.

Such

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discussions often provide new ideas and practical solutions.

For example

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, the most significant breakthroughs in science are made by groups of two or more

people

Use synonyms

like Irene Curie and her husband, who won the Nobel prize for creating radioactive elements. In conclusion, pursuing personal aims by

people

Use synonyms

, results in an inability to handle global issues and deal with obstacles productively.

zhadyra.serikbayeva2016Mon Oct 16 2023

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coherence cohesion

Overall, your argument is clear, but some sentences are too long making it difficult to follow the thoughts. Try to use more conjunctions and varied sentence structures to make your essay more readable.

task achievement

Your opinions are clearly expressed and the introduction and conclusion are present and well structured. However, they could be more engaging and specific. Make sure your conclusion succinctly summarizes the major points you've made without simply duplicating the wording of your arguments.

task achievement

You need to develop your ideas more thoroughly for a better task response. While you provide valid points, more clarity and precision in the communication of your ideas would improve your argument. Take time to fully explain disparate points or arguments.

task achievement

Good use of specific examples to support your points. Remember though that examples should be clearly linked to your arguments and elaborated on to show how they specifically support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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In many societies, there is a growing emphasis in individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interest. Is this is a positive or negative development?

Your opinion

Advertising has become part of everyone’s life. Some people say that advertising has a positive impact on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the development of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the Internet. What potential problems may this trend lead to? What solutions can you suggest to deal with it?

Many museums charge for admission, while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweigh the disadvantages?