IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that the increasing number of cars in cities is the biggest source of pollution and waste. Others think that industries are the one causing pollution. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Few
Correct article usage
A few
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 of the masses believe that one of the major sources of
pollution
Use synonyms
 is the rising number of vehicles in urban areas,
while
Linking Words
 others claim that large factories are the biggest cause of
this
Linking Words
 problem.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
show examples
 both perspectives and explain why I support the latter view. On the one hand, those who hold the thought that the transport system is causing obstacles
advocates
Verb problem
argue
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 that an increasing number of cars
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 affecting the health of citizens.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
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 to have their own vehicle to travel to make themselves comfortable. But, they are unaware of the fact of harming themselves.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent government survey in our country has demonstrated that ninety per cent of young citizens have ownership for their
transport
Correct word choice
own transport
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is polluting the town in an adverse way.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to blame the transportation method for affecting the environment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who oppose
this
Linking Words
 view feel that the major source of
pollution
Use synonyms
 is industries
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are far from
away
Rephrase
being as
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 harmful
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 others.
In other words
Linking Words
, the emission of various gases like carbon dioxide, nitrate
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
Punctuation problem
,
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as well as
Linking Words
wastage
Check wording
waste
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 produced after the production of
goods
Punctuation problem
goods,
show examples
 is unhealthy for the community.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent survey of the media channel,
NTV
Punctuation problem
NTV,
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 has revealed that the industrial area’s
people
Use synonyms
 get various diseases and have a high death rate as compared to villages.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, living near the production areas
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 dangerous. Taking everything into consideration,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the rising trend of vehicle ownership increases
pollution
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, the harmful gases
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
 that affects our environment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I wholeheartedly believe that industries are the main problem for destroying the environment
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 should be
minimized
Change the spelling
minimised
show examples
 to
resolved
Wrong verb form
resolve
show examples
 it.

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task
Clarify your main view in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. Give 1-2 strong reasons with a short, clear example for each side.
coherence
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. Use simple linking words to show the flow from one idea to the next.
task
The essay tries to cover both views and ends with a clear opinion.
coherence
Two clear links show the two sides with on the one hand and on the other hand.
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