IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people today spend most of their free time at home watching TV series or movies instead of going out. Do you think this is right or wrong?

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Nowadays, entertainment media has influenced everyone life around the world,
this
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 home entertainment centre has captured a great deal of
time
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 from many individuals. While many people are happily giving away their leisure times for entertainment shows on
TV
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, yet, it is not a good idea to prioritize screen
time
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 over hanging out.
This
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 essay explains with facts why watching movies at home is not good for human health than going out.
To begin
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 with, spending
time
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 watching
TV
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 series & films
instead
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 of outing as a leisure activity has impacted the brain abilities of people because it restricts the thought process of an individual by showing malafide content through films and dramas,
moreover
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, it highly impacts the mental health of a person.
For example
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, a study from Harvard University has confirmed that mental illness
such
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 as aggression, hypertension and depression is increasing on a serious note among addictive movie watchers.
In addition
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,giving too much
time
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 to
TV
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 makes a person physically ill, because these days watching dramas and fiction films is considered the root cause of laziness.
For instance
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, in a recent survey, it was declared that those people who watch television more than ten hours a day have an astonishingly increasing rate of obesity than those who do not watch it. In conclusion, Watching fun movies and series sometimes as a pass
time
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 is good but keeping it above personal
time
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 can turn out to be an ill-habit which may destroy any person mentally and physically. In order to gain the ratings, movies and skit mostly contain emotional deterioration content,
therefore
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, they can capture anyone emotionally, pulling them either into depression or aggression. It is recommended to limit the
time
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 for
TV
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 and socialize more for a healthier life.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • escapism
  • economical choice
  • financially wiser
  • quality time
  • health risks
  • social isolation
  • face-to-face interaction
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • cardiovascular problems
  • over-reliance
  • real-life skills
  • creative stimulation
  • genres
  • inspiration
  • alleviate stress
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