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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Family members and friends caring for elderly people find it hard to spend enough time looking after them. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?

#members #friends #people #time
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These days, we can see old
people
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 live with their children or friends, but the populations who look after adults have big issues with the time that they need.
This
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 essay discusses the main reasons for
this
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 matter and how we can solve it.
This
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 issue like the others has the popular reason that old
people
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 like kids. On the one hand, when
people
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 have elderly populations in their homes, they have to take care of them at all times like children.
In other words
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, they cannot do all work very well and we have to follow them to do their work.
On the other hand
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, communities who nurse older generations are not able to cook one food for all members of the family inasmuch as they have to make meals for them that same as their diets because dishes with high levels of salt, sugar, and so on have bed effect on their healthy;
additionally
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, they ought to use a lot of source of vitamin and protein.
This
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 problem can be solved by governments. On the one side, show the programs in social media that teach old populations how they can live alone in their homes and protect themselves.
In addition
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, innovating robots that help them to do their work better. On the other side, If authorities build an organization, which is like schools that go to them at 8 a.m. and back at 6 p.m., for elderly
people
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 to have fun times there with a number of exercises, travelling, and so forth, they spend a great deal of their time in
this
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 place;
besides
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, their family have some time for doing their works.
To sum up
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, taking care of the old generation is so hard
due to
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 the fact that the nursing them have to alter their own lifestyles;
however
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, the governments can solve
this
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 matter by their social media and buildings for only old
people
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.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Try to use more examples and data to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transitions between paragraphs and ideas to ensure a more fluid reading.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task evenly and not to overly focus on one aspect.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both the causes and potential solutions to the issue.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly stated and relevant to the main topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to structure information logically with clear paragraphing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demanding work schedules
  • flexible working hours
  • remote work options
  • geographical distance
  • frequent communication
  • relocation
  • adequate care
  • training programs
  • workshops
  • financial constraints
  • financial assistance programs
  • tax benefits
  • emotional and physical stress
  • support groups
  • respite care services
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