IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people today struggle to use modern electronic technology such as smartphones and computers. Why do you think this is? What can be done to solve this problem?

#people #struggle #technology #smartphones #computers
Digital devices
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 impact on today's world.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 most
people
 found it difficult to
utilized
Change the form of the verb
utilize
show examples
 in their daily routine.
This
 is happened because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the individual are feeling more comfortable in using old traditional ways. But I strongly believe that there are initiative can be taken to engage more population toward the advance technologies.
To begin
 with, one of the major reasons is that the old generation found it difficult to operate these devices. They found more comfort in using the old traditional ways. When they realize the alleviation in time gained due to
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of these gadgets, they will motivate to use these
machineries
Change the wording
machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
show examples
.
For example
, in
this
 modern age
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 paper newspaper is very ordinary because
people
 feel more casual in reading from
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
it rather than using the mobile phones where the news from all around the world could be watched or read.
Although
 we know
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paper production is damaging the billion
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
trees, we prefer to use the newspaper rather than the new technologies.
On the contrary
, there are many
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 which could be done to
forced
Change the form of the verb
force
show examples
 the
people
 to equipped with the new widget. One of the
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
 is to educate
them
Verify preposition usage
onthem
aboutthem
show examples
 the advantages of smart gadgets. Certainly, when they acknowledge the benefits of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
computers, they will love to spend their time using
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and abating
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 from the old traditional way.
For instance
, the positivity of saving times, ease of access and many more. Even though usage of old devices
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
their
Change the pronoun
them
show examples
 some own benefits, moving toward the new innovation is far more beneficial which has been invented to
resolved
Change the form of the verb
resolve
show examples
 the environmental problems. In conclusion, despite the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
grabbing new technologies for some
people
 is hard because of the domination of the old methods, showing them the good picture for using it will inspire them like training them.
Submitted by Fakhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: