IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

There is no doubt that in some nations the average
weight
Use synonyms
 of the people is rising may cause a decreased level of fitness and
health
Use synonyms
. The sedentary lifestyle and food habits are the main reasons for these problems.
However
Linking Words
, I think changing eating habits and doing regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 may solve these issues. The vital reason for the obesity of the population which may lead to several
health
Use synonyms
 difficulties is eating habits. Nowadays, most of the residents of the countries work outside of their homes for a long time
Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
 they do not get enough time to make food at the home.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they depend on ready-made
foods
Use synonyms
 that contain high-level calories and cholesterols which may cause
weight
Use synonyms
 gain. Another reason is doing less physical activities.
For example
Linking Words
, people complete their work sitting on the chair using the laptop that discourages them from going outside and doing
exercise
Use synonyms
 regularly that’s why, they become obese resulting in several
health
Use synonyms
 issues like high blood pressure, Diabetics, etc. To solve these problems, one should avoid packaging ready
foods
Use synonyms
 and take daily physical activities. Generally, factory-based
foods
Use synonyms
 contain high cholesterols and preservatives where cholesterols increase the deposition of fat in the stomach lead to a rising
weight
Use synonyms
, and some preservatives cause some
health
Use synonyms
 difficulties. So, changing food patterns may help to reduce the
weight
Use synonyms
 gain process of the body.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 keeps body fitness and helps to burn deposited fat of the body.
For instance
Linking Words
, 30 minutes of walking every day can balance blood-glucose levels in humans which make human physically fit and physiologically active. In conclusion, taking daily
exercise
Use synonyms
 and avoiding factory-made
foods
Use synonyms
 help to maintain good
health
Use synonyms
 and to keep fitness which may help people to live a healthy life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: