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Band 6

Some people believe that government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individual should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer

#people #government #care #support #years #fund #retirement
Although
 some agree that it is the responsibility of the
government
 to take
care
 of older
people
 and
support
 them when they retire, others believe that a retired
person
 must save enough while working to fund their
retirement
. I agree with the latter view, as it would be beneficial for both the
government
 as well as the young population. On the one hand, it is thought that an individual should
support
 himself or herself at the time of
retirement
 from its saving because it would be beneficial for the higher authorities. In many nations, the
government
 needs to make some provision from its budget for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly retired
people
 in order to take
care
 of them. If the retired
person
 has their own saving so as to
support
 him or her after
retirement
, there will be less burden on the
government
 for taking
care
 of the retired individual.
Moreover
, the higher authorities would concentrate more on other important aspects for the development of its nation
such
 as the construction of roads, dams, bridges, hospitals and schools.
Thus
, for the benefits of governments, one retired
person
 must
support
 himself or herself after
retirement
.
On the other hand
, funding for its
retirement
 from the saving of fund during working by an individual would bring benefits to the youth. To elaborate, in developing countries the higher authorities charge higher
income
tax
 rates to their citizens than those in developed countries.
Therefore
, each individual has to pay more
income
tax
 from its earning in order to
support
 the retired
people
.
In contrast
, if elderly retired
people
 supported themselves from their saving after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement
, the younger population would be paying less
income
tax
 from their savings as the
government
 would not be taking
care
 of the retired
people
.
Hence
, the retired
people
 must
support
 themselves from their saving. In conclusion, if an older-retired
person
 supports from its saving after
retirement
, not only will there be less burden on the
government
 for taking
care
 of them, but
also
 the youth will be less
income
tax
 from its salary for supporting them.
Submitted by jdsmss on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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