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Band 6.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
It is believed that
teenagers
 should be engaged in more and more voluntary
work
 without any monetary benefits in their spare time.
This
 involvement will be beneficiary for them
as well as
 for the people of the
community
 by building up their confidence level and adding value to their career pathway. In my opinion, I completely agree with the statement. On the one hand,
teenagers
 can be involved in many
community
 works
such
 as environmental issues, peace and conflict issues, and women &
gender
Correct word choice
and gender
show examples
 issues in their leisure time. The diversity of
work
 will help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
upgrade their level of confidence. In the long run, they will benefit from their activities and these activities will
work
 as a factor of advancement in their life. A recent study concluded that around 75% of
teenagers
 are working for their
community
 without any money.
On the other hand
, various types of
community
work
 will add extra value to the curriculum vitae of
teenagers
. A recent study shows that about 70% of high school-going students are becoming part of these voluntary works only because of their advancement of career which can be gained from
community
work
.
Nevertheless
,
teenagers
 can fit themselves in any situation by doing
this
 type of
work
 that will help them in the long run of their lives. In conclusion, unpaid
community
work
 is beneficial not only for boosting the confidence level
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
but
also
 for the career development of
teenagers
. They should increase their engagement in
community
work
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by uttaraprachi on

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coherence cohesion
There is a high level of coherence and cohesion in your essay. The logical build-up to your discussion from introduction to conclusion is commendable, with each point clearly relating to the initial question. Additionally, you do well in providing an introduction and conclusion, spelling out your viewpoint and recapitulating your main points. However, while your main points are backed by examples and sound reasoning, there is room for deeper exploration and better substantiation.
task achievement
You touched upon and effectively addressed all parts of the task, providing a clear opinion and developing your argument well. Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, and you have provided relevant examples to support your points. However, some examples could be more specific and rooted in real-world contexts to better reinforce your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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