Sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#sport #television #people #practice #health #generation #activity

With the advancement in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology, the

health

of people is deteriorating

daybyday

Correct your spelling

day-by-day

day by day

One

Change preposition

apply

show examples

such

device is

television

Correct article usage

the television

show examples

. A section of the society believes that broadcasting of

sports

events which is

one

of the most famous

programme

Change to a plural noun

programmes

show examples

television

is the main reason for the poor

health

especially

Add the comma(s)

,especially

show examples

amongst

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

youngsters

. It results

into

Change preposition

show examples

motivating them to watch

instead

of taking part in the physical exercise. I agree with the given notion but there are some other factors which

contributes

Change the verb form

contribute

show examples

poor

Correct article usage

the poor

show examples

health

youngsters

. The

sports

channels are becoming popular

since

Change preposition

show examples

the

last

decade as the numbers of

sports

channels has risen drastically as well as they are showing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sports

events 24*7. Due to

this

, the

youngsters

keeps

Change the verb form

keep

show examples

watching the

television

while sitting or lying which results

into

Change preposition

show examples

obesity and high risks of heart diseases.

Furthermore

, they become lazy and inactive. Watching

television

continuously for long hours

also

has a harmful effect on the eyesight of individuals.

As per the

Change preposition

The

show examples

research conducted by The New York Times revealed that seven out of ten

youngsters

had spectacles who were watching

television

continuously for two hours.

On the other hand

, nowadays

youngsters

are more inclined to eat junk food and aerated drinks.

Consequently

Add a comma

,Consequently

show examples

it has

also

affected the fitness of the young generations.

Moreover

, parents are giving much importance to focus on the study rather than indulging

Change preposition

show examples

into

Correct your spelling

in to

show examples

participate

Change the verb form

participating

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sports

This

one

of the crucial

factor

Change to a plural noun

factors

show examples

behind the poor

health

of young people. It directly has a negative impact on the minds of

youngsters

For instance

one

of our

cousin

Change to a plural noun

cousins

show examples

has gone into depression because of excessive pressure to study from his parents. In conclusion, I believe that parents should encourage children to take part in physical activities and

also

motivate them by making some

sports

person their role model as well as allowing them to watch

television

for

limited

Correct article usage

a limited

show examples

time

Submitted by ieltsspeaking760 on Tue Mar 23 2021

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

315 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people today are choosing to travel to other countries. Why is that happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a professional fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

The diagram details the process of making smoked fish

Some people think that the government should establish free libraries in each town. Others, however, believe that it is a waste of money since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?