IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #time #activities #children #parents
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In our contemporary era, it is acknowledged by some people that
children
's spare time activities should be managed by adults,
while
 others argue that they need to have the freedom to choose themselves what to do. In my opinion, giving flexibility to youngsters could be more beneficial in terms of creating a positive atmosphere and enhancing stronger family relationships. In the modern world, more and more leisure time of the younger generation is controlled by adults, putting a burden of responsibility on the shoulders of parents. One of the primary sources of
this
 phenomenon could be the unsafe environment in their living areas or a significant increase in kidnapping figures.
For example
, in one suburban area of the Russian city Kazan, in 2011, 2 kids were stolen from their house playground in the middle of the day,
while
 their parents were busy with household work.
This
 devastating experience triggered the community to increase precautions in their surroundings,
as well as
 to restrict outdoor activities.
On the other hand
, narrowing the
children
's perspectives by limiting alternatives to games is not the only solution. With the support of government officials and taking flexible and rational precautions, adults can handle unforeseen circumstances to benefit their
children
's development.
Furthermore
, these actions will lead to a healthier and more balanced childhood, fostering a positive family atmosphere and maintaining stronger bonds with youth. In conclusion, with the advent of new educational measures and programmes, parents have more options to take control of their
children
's spare time.
While
 it can be managed by strict rules, in my opinion, being open-minded and giving the freedom of choice to adolescents can have a positive effect on families.
Submitted by gainutdin87 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your thesis statement. Your main points are relevant, but sometimes the connection between them and the thesis can be strengthened for greater clarity.
task achievement
Avoid overly complex sentences which might obscure the main point. Simplify where necessary to enhance clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets the context and presents both sides of the argument, preparing the reader for the discussion.
relevant specific examples
The inclusion of a real-life example (Kazan incident) enriches the argument and provides a concrete basis for your point of view.
introduction conclusion present
You wrap up your essay with a clear and concise conclusion that reiterates your stance on the topic, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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