Sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. To what extent do you agree with this view?

With the advancement in technology, the health of people is deteriorating
day-by-day
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day by day
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. One
such
device is the television. A section of
the
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apply
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society believes that broadcasting
of
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apply
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athletics events which is one of the most famous programmes on a TV set is the main reason for
the
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apply
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poor well-being ,especially
amongst
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among
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the
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apply
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youngsters. It results in motivating them to watch
instead
of taking part in
the
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apply
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physical exercise. I agree with the given notion but there are some other factors that contribute to the poor health of a teenager.
The sports
Correct article usage
Sports
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channels
are
Verb problem
have
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becoming
Wrong verb form
become
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popular in the
last
decade as the
numbers
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number
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of game channels has risen drastically
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
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they are showing fun events 24*7.
Due to
this
, the youngsters keep watching the set
while
sitting or lying which results in obesity and high risks of heart diseases.
Furthermore
, they become lazy and inactive. Watching the small screen continuously for long hours
also
has a harmful effect on the eyesight of individuals. The research conducted by The New York Times revealed that seven out of ten teenagers had spectacles who were watching TV set continuously for two hours.
On the other hand
, nowadays teenagers are more inclined to eat junk food and aerated drinks,
it
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which
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has
also
affected the fitness of the
young
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younger
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generations.
Moreover
, parents are giving
much
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more
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importance to
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
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on the study rather than indulging in participating in athletics.
This
is the crucial factor behind the poor health of young people. It directly has a negative impact on the minds of youngsters.
For instance
, one of our cousins has gone into depression because of excessive pressure to study from his parents. In conclusion, I believe that parents should encourage children to take part in physical activities and
also
motivate them by making some
athletics
Replace the word
athletic
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person their role model
as well as
allowing them to watch the video for a limited time.
Submitted by ieltsspeaking760 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are strong and clearly stated. Summarize the main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. Make sure to address all aspects of the prompt in greater detail.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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