Sending crimes to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?
Crime has become one of the most important issues in the community nowadays.
while
some people think that the best way to solve this
problem is to put criminals
in jail, others believe that providing education
and job training programs for them is more effective. in my opinion, I completely agree with this
view.
To begin
with, there are various reasons why I think the government should not consider sending offenders to prison as the best method. Firstly
, the government have to cover the cost of running and managing prisons which includes a huge amount of money for security and facilities. This
money could be used for funding a lot of other essential matters that benefit society such
as public transportation and health care. Secondly
, imprisoning criminals
for a long time might lead to their resentment and unpleasantness. So they could continue to commit crimes after they are released. Lastly
, criminals
in jail might have negative effects from other offenders which prevents them from being better citizens.
In contrast
, I believe that offering education
and occupational skill training programs for lawbreakers might have more advantages in changing their mindset and attitude. Firstly
, education
programs will teach them about morality and equip them with the ability to distinguish between right and wrong things. Therefore
, they might be better people and do good things for others when they come back to the community. Secondly
, providing career training for offenders might give them the opportunity to get jobs, and thus
, they could earn money and live independently. It is extremely important because I believe suffering from poverty is the root cause most of crimes. Finally
, educated criminals
might have a better chance to integrate into society and live a better life after they finish their punishments.
In conclusion, although
imprisonment is the most popular method to deal with crime problems, I strongly believe that there are better ways to reduce the crime rate in the association such
as education
and appointment training.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay introduces and concludes the topic well, maintaining a logical structure throughout. However, try to connect your ideas more smoothly by using a wider range of transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next for improved coherence.
task achievement
You have addressed the task comprehensively, presenting your viewpoint clearly along with relevant explanations. To strengthen your task achievement, include more specific examples to support your arguments. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or real-life scenarios that underscore the effectiveness of education and job training over imprisonment.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to small typographical and grammatical errors, such as capitalization at the beginning of sentences and the correct use of articles. These adjustments can greatly impact the overall professionalism and readability of your essay.
task achievement
Consider exploring counterarguments more thoroughly to create a more balanced argument. Addressing opposing views before stating why the proposed solution is more effective can add depth to your essay and demonstrate critical thinking skills.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example