IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Professionals
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such
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 as doctors and engineers are often argued by people that they have to devote themselves to
work
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 in their homes,
while
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 there are others who argue that they have the free will to
work
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 everywhere. In my opinion, I believe having the right to
work
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 as they wish is essential for
professionals
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, but I will be discussing both of these views. Doctors and engineers are two jobs that are highly demanded by a
country
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. Not only do they offer irreplaceable expertise, but they can
also
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 help to increase a
country
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’s welfare. For many developing countries that have a lower quality of life ,
this
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 is considered to be an important aspect to boost their. With the
professionals
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 who are required to devote themselves to
work
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 in their
country
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, it surely helps boost the health and economy of developing countries. For these reasons, I believe that having a requirement for
professionals
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 to
work
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 in the
country
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 is crucial in maintaining welfare.
On the other hand
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, we need to be reminded that these
professionals
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also
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 have their own rights to choose their workplace. If they are forced to
work
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 in their home
country
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, they will feel dissatisfied.
Moreover
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,
such
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 as a medical worker and engineer who has higher education and aims for international recognition,
work
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 abroad is critical. It encourages these
professionals
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 to learn new things from other countries, which can be beneficial when they get back home.
For
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this
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 reason, I believe giving room for these experts to learn outside of their
country
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 is
also
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 benefiting the
country
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. In conclusion, requiring
professionals
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 to
work
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 in their
country
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 where they have been trained is important especially in a developing
country
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,
while
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 it is
also
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 crucial to let these
professionals
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 get the experience to
work
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 abroad for their self-development.

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task achievement
While your introduction does present the topic clearly, consider refining it further to include a succinct overview of both views that sets the stage for deeper discussion in your body paragraphs.
task achievement
In your paragraphs, some ideas are well-developed, but certain points could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments and enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs flow logically by using clearer transition phrases, which will enhance overall coherence. For example, explicitly stating how one point relates to the next can help your reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points, but it could provide a more decisive stance on the issue. Consider reiterating your opinion with a stronger statement, emphasizing why both elements are important to the discussion.
task achievement
You've successfully introduced both sides of the argument, showcasing an ability to engage with different perspectives on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing demonstrates a good command of vocabulary and sentence structure, with a generally clear argument throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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