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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people are using internet nowadays for their personal thing such as shopping and paying bills. Does advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #internet #bills
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The
internet
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 has brought significant changes
such
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 as online shopping and online paying
bills
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 to our lives in recent years.it is my belief that the positive effects of
this
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 innovation could certainly offset its disadvantages. There are several
drawback
Change to a plural noun
drawbacks
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 of using
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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 .A common criticism of
Correct article usage
the
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internet
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 is that only about half of the world’s population has access to the
internet
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 . Put simply, some
people
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 have not
using
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used
show examples
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of infrastructure that should have supplied by governments .Another negative aspect can be that some sites on the
internet
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 are untrustable for either
e – shopping
Add a hyphen
e-shopping
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 or paying
bills
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.
That
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is say
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is to say
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, if
people
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 pay money on the unknown sites for their electricity or water
bills
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 , they could
came
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come
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 across
to
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apply
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consequences like disclosure of information of card.
However
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, in spite of negative effects ,using
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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 has important benefits for some personal thing as well. Primarily,
people
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 may be able to buy what they want easily on the
internet
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 by using
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 generation payment system called online payment. İn
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
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 words,
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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 enables
to
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apply
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people
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 to access
to
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apply
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all products ,
such
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 as clothes, electronic item, and housewares.
Secondly
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, society may pay a lot of
bills
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 on the
internet
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 without going
banks
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to banks
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 or payment points as long as the web sites are trustable .
Likewise
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, they do their private banking transactions
as
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apply
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online.
Finally
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, nowadays, most
of
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apply
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Add an article
the
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hotel booking is able to be done virtually.
As a result
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, now
people
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 can stay home comfortably, looking on the
internet
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 where a vast ocean of information is available to find what they need, and even compare the prices at various websites and purchase via online banking which suits. İn conclusion,
although
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 there are many advantages and disadvantages when
this
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 issue is carefully studied,
but
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apply
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ı believe that
the
Correct pronoun usage
it the
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 more important to notice advantages
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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Submitted by Ahmet Münir KOCAMAN on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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