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Band 5.5

More and more people are using internet nowadays for their personal thing such as shopping and paying bills. Does advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #internet #bills
The
internet
 has brought significant changes
such
 as online shopping and online paying
bills
 to our lives in recent years.it is my belief that the positive effects of
this
 innovation could certainly offset its disadvantages. There are several
drawback
Change to a plural noun
drawbacks
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 of using
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 .A common criticism of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
internet
 is that only about half of the world’s population has access to the
internet
 . Put simply, some
people
 have not
using
Change the verb form
used
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of infrastructure that should have supplied by governments .Another negative aspect can be that some sites on the
internet
 are untrustable for either
e – shopping
Add a hyphen
e-shopping
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 or paying
bills
.
That
is say
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is to say
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, if
people
 pay money on the unknown sites for their electricity or water
bills
 , they could
came
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come
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 across
to
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apply
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consequences like disclosure of information of card.
However
, in spite of negative effects ,using
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 has important benefits for some personal thing as well. Primarily,
people
 may be able to buy what they want easily on the
internet
 by using
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 generation payment system called online payment. İn
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
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 words,
internet
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the internet
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 enables
to
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apply
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people
 to access
to
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apply
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all products ,
such
 as clothes, electronic item, and housewares.
Secondly
, society may pay a lot of
bills
 on the
internet
 without going
banks
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to banks
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 or payment points as long as the web sites are trustable .
Likewise
, they do their private banking transactions
as
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apply
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online.
Finally
, nowadays, most
of
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apply
show examples
Add an article
the
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hotel booking is able to be done virtually.
As a result
, now
people
 can stay home comfortably, looking on the
internet
 where a vast ocean of information is available to find what they need, and even compare the prices at various websites and purchase via online banking which suits. İn conclusion,
although
 there are many advantages and disadvantages when
this
 issue is carefully studied,
but
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apply
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ı believe that
the
Correct pronoun usage
it the
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 more important to notice advantages
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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Submitted by Ahmet Münir KOCAMAN on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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