Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Professional
jobs
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for several
people
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should be paid more,
such
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as
doctors
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and teachers,
while
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sports
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and entertainment personalities should be paid less than
others
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. From my perspective, I partly agree with
this
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belief; since
doctors
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and teachers play a vital role in enhancing
people
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,
sports
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and entertainment personalities help
people
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to develop other
people
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.
In contrast
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, I
also
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believe that several
people
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believe in that because professional employees work more than
others
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.
This
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essay will attempt to shed light on both ideas. 
On the other hand
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, both works have significantly enhanced
people
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's
lives
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.
In other words
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, occupational careers play a vital role in promoting their
lives
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.
For example
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, teachers give students the foundational and basic information to handle their
lives
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as well as
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discover their talents, and
doctors
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help
people
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with their treatment to be in healthy well-being.
Sports
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and entertainment personalities
also
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have a great influence on
people
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's
lives
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, which educates them and makes them more aware of their
lives
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as well.
In addition
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,
sports
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give them the rules and the ways to protect themselves from any harm. 
In contrast
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, professional
jobs
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work hours relatively more than other careers. It is
also
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possible to say that in some cases
people
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who are in the medical field have been working all day and all night, which is twenty-four hours.
As a result
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, they deserve to be more rewarded than
others
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.
Additionally
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, if researchers look at their
jobs
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from another side, they certainly will find that their
jobs
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are extremely more stressful than
others
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, which hold many breaths and live with them.
For example
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,
doctors
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are the most dangerous work since any mistake could happen and may kill
people
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.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both sides of the argument, it leans more towards providing general statements rather than in-depth evaluations. Consider developing a more balanced and thorough analysis by giving specific examples or case studies.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and some logical flow between ideas. However, there could be clearer transitions and more varied linguistic devices to improve cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Conclude by summarizing the main points and providing a final opinion clearly. This helps in reinforcing the argument presented in the main body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the main argument clearly.
task achievement
There is a genuine attempt to discuss both perspectives of the topic, which shows an awareness of differing opinions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional workers
  • Societal contribution
  • Scarcity
  • Market forces
  • Consumer demand
  • Role models
  • Economic impact
  • Revenue generation
  • Fair compensation
  • Social equity
  • Intrinsic rewards
  • Job satisfaction
  • Media rights
  • Merchandise sales
  • Public figures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: