Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists.To what extent do you agree?

#scientists #technology #experts #society #musicians #artists

Some believe that

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apply

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scientists and technology experts are given greater value in

contemporary

Correct article usage

the contemporary

show examples

era than musicians and artists. I totally disagree with

this

,mainly because musicians and artists are the most influential and richest

people

in the

world

To begin

with, professionals from the arts are very famous and popular individuals.

In other

words

Add a comma

,words

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these

people

are loved and emulated by society.

For example

, Lady Gaga sang

Correct article usage

the Americas

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Americas

Change to a genitive case

America's

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national anthem

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the

inaugration

Correct your spelling

inauguration

president

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President

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Joe Biden,recently.

This

was a great move

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

entertained and touched the hearts of many since she is an idol. They are

also

role models to a lot of

people

who want to imitate their lifestyle

such

type

Correct article usage

the type

show examples

of dressing.

Therefore

these professionals entertain the

world

and are of great importance.

Secondly

, individuals are willing to pay a lot of money to see these icons perform or to join their exhibition.

Such

has shown how much credit they are given. Going to Beyonce's show ,

for instance

, costs a lot of money but

this

does not deter fans from attending, because of the love they have for her. By

this

Change the determiner

these

show examples

musicians and artists have become one of the richest group

people

in every society,

such

that they own the most beautiful houses, travel around the

world

and wear the most expensive clothes and

jewellary

Correct your spelling

jewellery

This

is all because of the value that individuals place in them. To sum up, despite science and technology being essential in today's

world

, entertainment is still needed

thus

why singers and

perfomers

Correct your spelling

performers

are highly appreciated.

This

is clearly shown by their lifestyle and

influence

Correct article usage

the influence

show examples

they have in many societies.

Submitted by maereseratariro on Fri Mar 26 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

270 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

valued
modern society
scientists
technology experts
musicians
artists
reliance
scientific advancements
practical benefits
driving economic growth
daily lives
culture
human emotions
express ideas
provoke thought
spiritual well-being
emotional well-being
preserving cultural heritage
subjective nature
diversity

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