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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Music has been and will continue to be the universal language of mankind. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Language has been at the crux of communication between humans, a thing that sets us apart from other members of the animal kingdom.
Although
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 there are innumerable languages all over the world,
music
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 has always been a form of communication that has travelled beyond geographical boundaries.
This
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 essay elaborates on the reasons for my being in complete agreement with
this
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 point of view.
To begin
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 with, languages only act as a way of conversation, but what sets
music
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 apart is that it has an added spice of emotion. So, whenever the listener tunes into a song, it immediately hits some part of his mind and changes his mood in a certain way.
Moreover
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, people tend to bond over
music
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, though they may not know each
others’
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other’s
show examples
 languages.
For example
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, a person from India without any knowledge of Spanish will dance to the tune of Despacito with a Mexican woman
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they may bond over it.
Thus
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, people who cannot communicate with each other
due to
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 differences in their
mother-tongues
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mother tongues
show examples
 can bond over
music
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. In
this
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 way,
music
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 brings people across the seven seas together.
In addition
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,
music
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 has historically
also
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 helped mend relations between enemy states.
For instance
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, India and Pakistan have been political enemies since 1947. In spite of
this
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, artists and musicians on both sides have always maintained cordial relations and tried to reduce animosity between the two countries. After the Kargil war, when the dialogue between both nations had stopped, noted musicians from both countries arranged a Hindustani
music
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 festival, a form of
music
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 practised and appreciated on the opposite sides of the border.
This
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 acted as a stepping stone towards the initiation of dialogue between the two neighbours. In conclusion,
due to
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 the fact that
music
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 is a mixture of emotion and communication, and
music
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 has helped improve relations between neighbouring states, I completely agree with the view that
music
Use synonyms
 has been and will continue to be a universal language.

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coherence and cohesion
While your introduction is clear, ensure to restate your main argument strongly in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
To better connect your ideas, use linking words like 'however' or 'moreover' more frequently between sentences.
task achievement
Expand on your examples slightly to enhance clarity and support, making your points even more visible.
task achievement
Your use of examples is effective, particularly the case of India and Pakistan, showing a clear understanding of music's impact.
coherence and cohesion
Your points are well-structured, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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