IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

“Prevention is better than cure” Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and prevention measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#“prevention #cure” #country’s #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #prevention #measures
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Since the dawn of civilization, outbreaks have occurred in human societies inevitably. Regarding tackling
this
 issue, there has been a debate on whether is effective to invest in treating people or applying for
disease
prevention
 programmes. I subscribe to the view that a larger
portion
 of the health
budget
 must be spent on
prevention
 methods. To commence with, public awareness as an essential approach in the
prevention
 context has been paving the road to
disease
 elimination. To clarify, communicable diseases spread to vulnerable individuals via different routes. In
this
 case, informing the community about the possible routes of transmission is vital to control the incidence rate. Spending a
portion
 of the
budget
 on cutting down the possible routes of
disease
 spread may lead to protecting a community,
while
 spending on treating approaches may lead to a cure of just one or two cases. Take Influenza as an example, coughing and sneezing would cause flu to a susceptible,
therefore
 using masks and other
prevention
 methods profitably reduces the incidence rate of flu.
On the other hand
, in an urgent circumstance
such
 as the pandemic, the need for novel drugs me be challenging.
Due to
 the emergence of an unknown infectious or re-emergence of epidemics, scientists are faced with an ambiguous situation.
Furthermore
, tremendous investment in developing novel drugs to find an efficient treatment may be indispensable.
For instance
, in the COVID-19 pandemic, the governments
initially
 invested a huge
portion
 of the health
budget
 to reveal a novel cure to combat the pandemic. Despite the fact that the need to investigate an efficient vaccine to alleviate COVID-19 was necessary, being equipped with media with healthy instructions was more vital.
To conclude
, in my opinion, spending a huge
portion
 of a health
budget
 on
prevention
 sectors can be an open sesame to eliminate
disease
 prevalence in society,
also
 it is a profitable investment.
Submitted by aradzandieh.dvm on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, you could offer a clearer contrast or provide additional counterarguments to balance the essay. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and show your ability to consider multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all transitions between paragraphs and ideas are very smooth. Sometimes, the essay feels a little disjointed. For coherence and cohesion, work on refining these transitions.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion that wrap up your main points effectively.
relevant specific examples
The examples you provided, such as the reference to Influenza and COVID-19, are relevant and help to reinforce your arguments.
logical structure
Your main points are logically structured and supported, making your argumentation clear and compelling.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventative measures
  • health education
  • chronic diseases
  • infectious disease outbreaks
  • cost-effective
  • advanced illnesses
  • healthcare facilities
  • healthcare professionals
  • allocation of resources
  • quality of life
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • early detection
  • socioeconomic benefits
  • absenteeism
  • ethical obligation
  • public health outcomes
  • health budget
  • diverted
  • healthcare burden
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