IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bars. To what extent do you agree?

#people #prisoners #community #work #bars
In the modern world,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
 involved in voluntary activities are becoming lesser and lesser every year.
As a result
, some
people
 opine that prisoners have to be introduced
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
such
 kinds of activities, whereas other
people
 argue in contradiction to the statement. In my opinion, I totally disagree with the statement.
Firstly
,
people
 who were involved in anti-social activities should be given appropriate punishments
instead
 of allowing them in community
services
 because implementing strict laws on them would help to create awareness in them not to get involved in crimes again.
In addition
,
this
 would help to induce fear not only
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the criminals but
also
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the other
people
 to prevent from leading a disastrous lifestyle.
For instance
,
people
 who were involved in
Delhi
Correct article usage
the Delhi
show examples
 rape case was heavily punished which helped to maintain peace inside the whole country
instead
 of letting them do unpaid
services
 which would have encouraged them to do more crimes.
As a result
 of
such
 examples, it becomes easier for law enforcement officers to manage the crowd in an efficient manner.
Secondly
,
instead
 of compelling them to interact with community
services
, they should be properly counselled in jail on how they should face the challenges in
life
 so that they have a better idea
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 tackling difficult situations.
Furthermore
,
this
 would help them to harvest patience and other good qualities which makes them fit as an individual who could do good things for
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society without paying them
reward
Add an article
a reward
the reward
show examples
.
A
Change the article
The
show examples
 best illustration for
this
 is the story
Change preposition
of Mr.
show examples
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
 Robert Downey Jr., who later became a Hollywood actor who won Oscars many times. Providing him with positive ideas during his
life
 behind bars enabled him to
mold
Change the spelling
mould
show examples
 a successful
life
 and later became part of the community
services
 as well. To conclude, in my opinion, I completely disagree with the statement and believes that involving
people
 who had a bad
life
 has to be prepared well before letting them do unpaid voluntary works and would like to recommend the government to abolish
such
 kinds of laws before proper research on the mentality of these individuals.
Submitted by Ashith on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: