IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society?

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There is no doubt that smoking is becoming more widespread in different parts of the developed world. There are several
causes
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and measures that could be taken by the governments and individuals to improve and solve the situation. There are many factors that have led
smoking
Correct article usage
the smoking

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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 habit to be popular across the globe. One of the main
causes
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 can be that a person might be surrounded by negative peers that could affect his thoughts and damage his ethics and behaviour.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the individual became more isolated and suffer from loneliness. Another reason can be that since the emergence of modern appliances
like
Change the verb form
likes

The plural verb like does not appear to agree with the singular subject emergence. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 mobile phones, other foreign cultures have created an
enourmous
Correct your spelling
enormous

The word enourmous is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

impact on youths in other countries.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 means that adults can copy their actions in different ways.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many young people are obsessed with famous celebrities in Hollywood, so they may smoke a cigarette as well as their celebrities do. In spite of these
causes
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, there are several solutions that could be implemented to reduce the dangers of smoking. A simple good solution can be that
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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smokers can replace smoking by eating healthy food. The
second
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 solution could be that adults should avoid negative and bad friends.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they have to
be always keep
Change the verb form
be always kept

It appears that the form of the verb keep does not work with be in this sentence.

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 in touch with their families and positive peers. The
third
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 measure would be taken by the governments that they can offer conferences and events that show the dangers of smoking and how smoking can cause health issues like lungs failure. A particularly good example here is that a recent study indicated that 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent

The spelling of percent is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 of smokers around the globe have stopped smoking after joining a convention about throat cancer. In conclusion, while there are infinite
causes
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of smoking, there are several measures that could be implemented to tackle
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 problem.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Addiction
  • Nicotine
  • Coping mechanism
  • Peer pressure
  • Cultural norms
  • Health risks
  • Misunderstanding
  • Marketing
  • Availability
  • Influence
  • Awareness
  • Dangers
  • Stress relief
  • Smoking cessation
  • Public health campaigns
  • Legislation
  • Support groups
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