Doctors are concerned that older adults are not getting enough exercise. What are the causes of this? What can be done to prevent it?Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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There is no denying the fact that
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of awareness of the importance of sports in old people's health worries the doctors.
This
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essay will discuss the reasons for not exercising enough for the aged and how we will stop the causes.
To begin
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with,there are many reasons for not practising enough.
Firstly
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, most of them fear injury and muscle strain.
In other words
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, as much as we get older, it becomes harder for us to recover and it takes more time.
In addition
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, there are no
clubs
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in residential areas, and it is only in investment areas which makes it far and few.
For example
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, there are no
clubs
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in the village; the old people must go to the nearest city to join. In terms of solving
this
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state, the government must allow the construction of sports
clubs
Use synonyms
in the hometown. It is
also
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possible to say that, if there are more
clubs
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, the prices of the memberships will decrease,which makes it easier to join.
Moreover
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,spreading
clubs
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all around the cities and hometowns will raise awareness about health and create a competitive atmosphere between them.
For instance
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, Kuwait University published research that if there are more than 5clubs in one region, more than a third of residents will be fit. In conclusion, there are many reasons for careless the aged sports.It is
also
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true that hard to solve
this
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problem.So we should work together to break the fear and encourage them to practice more by making offers and giving them awards in
clubs
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic, but it could be more engaging. Consider rephrasing your main argument to make it stronger. Also, ensure you clearly state the problems and solutions in the introduction.
task response
Make sure to elaborate on your main points with clearer examples and explanations. Adding more detail will help in achieving a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas in the paragraphs can be better connected. You might want to add transitional phrases to enhance the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid phrases like 'there are many reasons for' as it can come across as vague. Aim for more specific and varied vocabulary throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion could summarize your main points more effectively. Try restating the importance of the solutions you've provided to emphasize their value.
task response
You successfully identified both causes and solutions, addressing the prompt well. Your examples are relevant and demonstrate understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your structure is clear with distinct paragraphs, which helps in following your argument easily.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • chronic diseases
  • mobility issues
  • joint pain
  • physical activity
  • quality of life
  • social isolation
  • community centers
  • accessibility
  • socioeconomic factors
  • recreational activities
  • maintaining health
  • transportation barriers
  • chronic disease prevention
  • health outcomes
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