IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many Teenagers now have their own smartphone. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion

#teenagers #smartphone
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Since the dawn of
electronic
Correct article usage
the electronic
show examples
 gadgets' era, more and more individuals have been obtaining
smartphones
Use synonyms
 for various purposes. Whilst
smartphones
Use synonyms
 are considered to be advantageous, they have some negatives causes. From my point of view, youngsters should limit their daily contribution of
phones
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, having mobile
phones
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young adults has its own positive aspects.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, if
children
Use synonyms
 own
smartphones
Use synonyms
, so parents do not need to worry about their progenies' safety. There are plenty of applications
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 provide with
location
Add an article
the location
show examples
 of
phone
Add an article
the phone
show examples
 owner.
Hence
Linking Words
, while families cannot reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
offsprings, they are able to follow their location by phone navigator
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and help
children
Use synonyms
 if they are in a dangerous situation.
Secondly
Linking Words
, due to
variety
Correct article usage
the variety
show examples
 of apps in
app
Add an article
the app
an app
show examples
 store or play market, teenagers may download some cognitive ones and broaden their
horizones
Correct your spelling
horizons
horizon
. To illustrate, by acquiring
language
Correct article usage
a language
show examples
 app people can learn any foreign language they wish and use it in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having mobile
phones
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 adolescents has certain negative sides.
Initially
Linking Words
, these days the prices of electronic gadgets cost a fortune what is not affordable to many families.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, some parents are taking a loan in order to buy a phone
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
, which can impact
income
Add an article
the income
show examples
 of families.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is a general consensus that excessive use of
smartphones
Use synonyms
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
entire health.
Thus
Linking Words
, teenagers should confine their time of utilizing the
phones
Use synonyms
, so that would be beneficial to avoid any detriments. To recapitulate, in spite of certain demerits that
phones
Use synonyms
 have, the merits
also
Linking Words
 are very imperative on
children
Use synonyms
's life. I hold the view that it would be
idealy
Correct your spelling
ideal
ideally
 if every child own smartphone,
however
Linking Words
, they should limit the time dedicating to devices.
Submitted by baghirovanarmina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: