IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Some people believe that this is an illness and should be treated medically. Others feel that this is only a result of unhealthy habits and it is sport that must help. Discuss both point of view and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
it is undeniable fact that in most of
nations
Add an article
the nations

The phrase most of nations may require the use of the article the. Consider inserting the before the noun in your sentence.

show examples
 obesity is
main
Change the article
the main

It appears that the phrase main meance does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

show examples
meance
Correct your spelling
meant
means

The word meance is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

for children. While many people are in favour of using medical treatment to tackle
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
obesity. On other hand,some folks
thinks
Change the verb form
think

The singular verb thinks does not appear to agree with the plural subject folks. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
 unhealthy lifestyle is responsible for
devloping
Correct your spelling
developing

The word devloping is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

the obesity in offsprings. In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
,paragraphs

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In the following paragraphs. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

show examples
 will
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss

The word dicuss is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

both views of society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: