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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programs
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Historically, voluntary
work
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 has always been considered a stepping stone that prepares individuals to take on more important responsibilities in the future. That's why employers prefer to hire people who have
such
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 experiences written on their resumes. For the same reason, some people hold the view that mandatory community
work
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 should be implemented in high
school
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 training. I agree with
this
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 point of view, and in the following essay, my opinion will be supported by several reasons and rationale.
firstly
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, one of the main benefits of unpaid voluntary community services is that it enhances a sense of dedication and commitment to
work
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 in teenagers. similar to any other desirable personality traits, in order to be internalized, these characteristics need to be rehearsed at regular intervals.
moreover
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, what makes the high
school
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 period a golden opportunity to
fulfill
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fulfil
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this
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 purpose is that the human personality is not entirely formed until the late 20s,
therefore
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, any
behavioral
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behavioural
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 modification done before
this
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 age would have better outcomes.
secondly
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, the adolescence period is a risky one, and unless
this
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 time is supervised correctly, room for the development of some unhealthy
behaviors
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behaviours
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such
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 as addiction will emerge. In many cases, if teenagers had been assigned to tasks
such
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 as charity
work
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 or helping the elderly that positively contribute to their society, destructive habits like gambling or drug misuse wouldn't have been chosen in the first place. in short, doing community service works without getting paid is beneficial as it could simultaneously nurture positive characteristics and prevent unacceptable ones from occurring. turning to the other side of the argument, it is believed by some that in high
school
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 education, the focus should be mainly placed on academic aspects. in my idea,
although
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 obtaining the necessary
skill
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skills
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 and knowledge is vital, the importance of concurrent maturation of a student's personality should not be neglected. To recapitulate, if children get involved in activities that prepare them to handle more responsibilities, they will become more competent and reliable as future employees. I believe that
such
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 modifications in high
school
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 programs could positively affect their personal development as well reducing the risk of falling into the trap of addiction.
Submitted by mhmdnekooeian on

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grammar
Ensure that you capitalize the first letter of each sentence and proper nouns. For example, 'firstly' should be 'Firstly', and 'high school' should be 'High School'.
task response
To strengthen the essay, provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will help to illustrate your points more vividly and increase the persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph is well-developed with clear topic sentences, supporting details, and concluding sentences. This will help to improve the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
introduction
The introduction is well-crafted and clearly presents the writer's stance on the issue. It sets the tone for the rest of the essay.
coherence
The essay is cohesive, and the arguments presented are logically structured. The writer successfully discusses both sides of the argument and provides a balanced view.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's opinion, providing a clear and comprehensive ending to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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