IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
It goes without saying that companies have become increasingly competitive throughout the years, especially in capitalist nations.
As a result
, several individuals work overtime on a daily basis in order to accomplish their job responsibilities,
although
 they overlook their leisure time. In
this
 context, I tend to believe that it is harmful to employees as it may bring more problems than benefits.
Firstly
, the obvious argument against it is that extra hours hinder a great number of people from enjoying valuable moments with their families,
such
 as a birthday party
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since they can not be present.
Furthermore
, despite knowing that toddlers grow up rapidly, some parents do not spend sufficient time with them as they need to earn money to support their families. Another downside is that overloaded individuals tend to
develop mental
Correct your spelling
developmental
show examples
 disorders considering that they do not have days off to relax their minds. Take burnout syndrome as an example, it is a response to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant stress in the workplace.
Moreover
, it is undoubtedly true that a shortage of joyful activities impacts one’s creativity and productivity, resulting in poor performances in business. There are,
however
, some advantages. It is widely known that workaholics are likely to succeed because of their commitment to the companies, which makes them thrive in life.
In addition
 to that, managers not only value striving professionals but
also
 reward them for excellent achievements whenever is possible.
Consequently
, some people work hard nowadays to receive a promotion or another kind of benefit. To sum up, it is undeniable that working long hours bring some advantages, particularly in terms of career.
Nevertheless
, from my point of view, the negative aspects outweigh the positive ones in
this
 situation.
Submitted by alves.marilia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: