Some people believe that children should be involved in educational activities in their free time. Others argue that this puts too much academic pressure on a child. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #activities #time #pressure #child

Leisure plays a very important role in a

chidren's

Correct your spelling

children's

daily routine. It helps them reduce stress after a long time studying at school.

However

, some parents think that these activities must

also

be educational

boost

Fix the infinitive

to boost

show examples

their kid's intellect. In

this

essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and give my opinion in the following text.

To begin

with, to find a good job in highly competitive markets, a careful and detailed is essential.

Thus

, it is quite common that parents nowadays often let their kids participate in

difference

Replace the word

different

show examples

academic clubs

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

out of school time.

For example

enroll

Change the spelling

enrol

show examples

the science club to bring their adolescent

have

Add the particle

to have

show examples

a great opportunities

Correct the article-noun agreement

a great opportunity

great opportunities

show examples

to reach

Change the article

the

show examples

newest technology which may help them to find out their own passion to develop a career in the future.

In addition

, the

soft-skills

Correct your spelling

soft skills

show examples

which are brought by being a member of a social club

also

help

children

improve their both communication and presentation skills.

On the other hand

, maintaining

Remove the article

apply

show examples

mental and physical health is

also

important as the intellect

one

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

Hence

, people regardless

age

Change preposition

of age

show examples

should engage in outdoor activities. Playing sport is

such

a great activity which are the most suitable for

children

especially for those who want to improve their body health.

For example

, engaging

swimming

Change preposition

in swimming

show examples

and basketball can help to increase heights, while running and dancing benefits

for

Change preposition

from

show examples

increasing maintaining weight.

Moreover

, playing sports can

also

help to reduce stress and enhance sleep quality,

thus

grows

children

creativity and productivity. In conclusion, it is undeniable that education plays an important role to find a good job in the future.

However

, enhancing and maintaining a

health

Replace the word

healthy

show examples

body cannot be ignored,

thus

I personally believe that

children

should

also

engage in non-educational leisure activities.

Submitted by o_unanan on Sat Apr 03 2021

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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