IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

CHILDREN SHOULD ALWAYS FOLLOW THEIR PARENTS’ ADVICE. TO WHAT EXTEND DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?

#children #parents’ #advice
I
completelly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with those who consider that
children
 should always follow their parents' advice. When
we
Add a verb
arewe
werewe
show examples
 born, we arrive naked
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 world. No clothes, no concepts, no experience.
Defenseles
Correct your spelling
Defenceless
 as we can be. Creative, but without experience to deal with the complexities of
this
 world.
To begin
 with, differently
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
Add an article
the other
show examples
 beings in the animal
kingdon
Correct your spelling
kingdom
, we live in a
a
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
complex society that depends upon abstracts signs, rules and behaviours. To make things more challenging, our development is slow. It takes a lot of time, effort and mistakes are
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 in our path to
became
Change the form of the verb
becoming
show examples
funcional
Correct your spelling
functional
 beings.
Therefore
, it is logical to let those who came before and conceived us
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
guide
Correct your spelling
until
untill
Correct pronoun usage
us untill
show examples
 we have at least some skills to deal with the
intrincacies
Correct your spelling
intricacies
 of
this
 life.
Unfourtunatelly
Correct your spelling
Unfortunately
 nothing is perfect and there are situations in which following
parent's
Correct article usage
a parent's
show examples
 advice could not be the best thing to do.
For example
, some parents could be Ignorants
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or
sufer
Correct your spelling
suffer
mental
Change preposition
from mental
show examples
 disorders. Some of them could be perfectly normal and educated, but biased and egocentric. Or even outdated and
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 proud to admit. In these cases, there will be limits to the
extention
Correct your spelling
extension
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 which
children
 should be guided by their
advises
Replace the word
advice
show examples
.
Nonetheless
, these are exceptions and should be
dealth
Correct your spelling
dealt
death
 with case by case. To conclude, I would like to highlight the fact the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
survival of our species depends upon on how of how efficient we are
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 dealing with the
pecualirities
Correct your spelling
peculiarities
 of our society. The education of
children
 is an endeavour that
envolves
Correct your spelling
involves
 both the public and the private. For the sake of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
efficient and functional development in the process of
children
 preparation for living in communities is essential that parents receive all the available support and resources to provide for them. They should be respected by the sons and daughters and should provide for them the best advice and education.
Submitted by joseneto.sp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • parental guidance
  • crucial
  • life lessons
  • best interests
  • life experience
  • understanding
  • challenges
  • invaluable
  • independence
  • critical thinking
  • relying solely
  • hinder
  • beliefs
  • desires
  • generational changes
  • rapid pace
  • social and technological changes
  • outdated
  • applicable
  • digital age
  • necessitating
  • balance
  • tradition
  • modernity
  • deeply ingrained
  • value
  • evolve
  • honoring
  • deviating
What to do next:
Look at other essays: