IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
The issue of social networking sites impacts,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
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Facebook
, have been raising a lot of debates. Some might say that these sites have been proving
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 beneficial effect to
an individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
individuals
an individual
show examples
 in term of providing a variety
tool
Change preposition
of tool
show examples
 for communication and connection.
On the contrary
, others insist the opinion that the risks of personal
information
 leaking for social communities have been
threathen
Correct your spelling
threatened
 by
hacker
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a hacker
the hacker
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. Viewing from
general
Correct article usage
a general
show examples
 perspectively, I personally agree with the former opinion
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 reasons.
To begin
 with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 from all over the world can communicate with each other by using social media.
Firstly
, most
people
 use
Facebook
 to make friends so that we can have at least 5000 friends on our friend list which is so hard for one person to reach out
many
Change preposition
to many
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friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
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 in reality.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students abroad can use
Facebook
 to keep in touch with their family.
Secondly
, by using
Facebook
people
 can update news and
information
 anytime around the world. By
then
, we enable to join the studying group on
Facebook
 to exchange
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
studying
Change preposition
of studying
show examples
 method and knowledge.
Finally
, after
hard
Correct article usage
a hard
show examples
 working day, watching some movie or playing
game
Add an article
the game
a game
show examples
 on
Facebook
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 us to release our pressure and stress.
On the other hand
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 worried that the threat of being hacked their
information
. Hacker can use personal
information
 for bad purposes when we post our picture or share our activities on
Facebook
.
However
, we can proactively manage to minimize
these threat
Change the determiner
this threat
these threats
show examples
 by not posting much personal on social networking sites. We can
also
 take advantage of using
Facebook
 to promote our business
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 selling product on it. In conclusion,
Facebook
 and social media tools have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 mankind which have been by far outweighed the disadvantages.
Submitted by nguyenhoangbaochau870 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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