IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays people buy a lot of unnecessary manufactured products. What is the effect of this on individuals and society? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #products #effect #individuals #society #development
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In recent times, there has been an increasing number of
people
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 spending
money
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 on manufactured
products
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 that they do not need. It is
this
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 writer's opinion that
this
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 trend creates a burden on individuals' economy, and causes many environmental problems, making it a negative development.
To begin
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 with, it is vital to understand that those unnecessary
products
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 can take
money
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 from the customers.
In other words
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, a long period of buying useless
products
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 can create for customers a habit of wasting
money
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.
As a result
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, those
people
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 tend to buy more
products
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 whether knowing it is helpful or not, which costs them a large amount of
money
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. Take an article carried out by VN Express as an example, which demonstrates that there is a higher proportion of shopaholics in Vietnam than there used to be, and most of them are female. Another report shows that 50% of those
people
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 often lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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money
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at the end
Linking Words
 of
a
Correct article usage
the
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 month.
This
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 proves that
this
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 trend has an adverse impact on individuals by exerting on their economy. One other effect of
this
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 phenomenon is that it causes a lot of environmental issues, especially with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
waste. To clarify, when customers find out that the
products
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 are unnecessary. they will throw those away. Even though some of the
products
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 will be thrown into the trash, most of the rest
people
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 will throw them away randomly.
Additionally
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, most of the
products
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 are made of plastics or materials that are not friendly to the environment.
Consequently
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, those
products
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 will not be able to biodegrade and harm the environment surrounding them.
For
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this
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 reason, it is
also
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 shown that buying unnecessary can destroy the Earth, leading to human destruction.
Therefore
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, the trend of spending
money
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 on
products
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 that are not necessary is harmful to both individuals and society by
exerting
Verb problem
affecting
show examples
 on
personal
Add an article
the personal
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 economy and destroying the environment. It is evident that
this
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 phenomenon is a negative one.
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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. This includes discussing the effects on individuals and society comprehensively and evaluating whether it's a positive or negative development. Incorporate a wider range of specific examples or case studies to further support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, focus on improving the flow and connectivity of ideas between paragraphs. While your essay has a logical structure and supported main points, using a more varied range of linking words and phrases can help the reader follow your argument more easily. Additionally, ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to maintain coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer culture
  • financial strain
  • materialistic value system
  • environmental degradation
  • depletion of natural resources
  • unsustainable consumption pattern
  • social inequalities
  • community ties
  • economic growth
  • psychological perspective
  • perpetual sense of wanting
  • mental health
  • 'keeping up with the Joneses'
  • stress and anxiety
  • innovation
  • technological advancements
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