IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#women #childcare #men #focus #children #life
In the modern era,  
females
 are better at
child
 care than males.
However
, the
females
 concentrate mostly on the growing
child
 and fewer
women
 in their working profession. I agree with the statement and
also
 I will explain some examples in the below paragraphs with a proper conclusion.
Firstly
, in our country, most  
women
's study up to 12th grade. After completion their of, studies they will get married with the help of their parents. After marriage, they enjoy sexual life with their husbands.
Moreover
, after nine months they get pregnant and
women
 give birth to a
child
 and
also
 later they feed their breast milk to the
child
 to stay healthy. Because of
this
 reason,
females
 mainly stay at home and feed their
child
 properly like food, milking, etc.,
For instance
, one of my sisters completed his studies and after the completion of studies she gets married to a software employee and after nine months she got pregnant and
also
 she gave birth to a
child
, now she was feeding food to his
child
.
Secondly
,  most families have a rule that males should go out and work. Whereas
females
 must and should stay at home
In addition
,
females
 have the best talent in how to raise children rather than male. In
this
 case, many
women
 get their jobs after graduation, they leave their
job
 and profession because they particularly concentrate on their family and their children. For exemplify, one of my aunties  completed his B. Tech in a college at GITAM University. She got a
job
 in a company 'WIPRO' and later she left the
job
 because of her children and husband. To Conclude, in our country, most
females
 would study up to 12th grade due to
this
 they won't have proper skill to work.
On the other hand
,
women
 get their
job
 after completing the course but they leave the
job
 because of their family.
Submitted by sivahunk32 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • nurturing
  • empathy
  • sensitivity
  • maternal instinct
  • paternal involvement
  • child's development
  • work-life balance
  • gender equality
What to do next:
Look at other essays: