IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #health
Big
cities
such
 as London, Melbourne and Vancouver have attracted millions of
people
 to settle down there both domestically and internationally. While some
people
 are worried that living in big
cities
 could pose threats to
people
's health, I tend to think
otherwise
 in general.
People
 who have health concerns
towards
Change preposition
about
show examples
 life in big
cities
 might argue that large
cities
 are usually occupied with high buildings and bombarded with traffic congestion and that the manufacture of industries always cause air pollution and sometimes even water contamination.
Therefore
, it is difficult for
people
 who live there
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
 access to fresh air and
Correct article usage
the nature
show examples
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 environment, and
people
's
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 could be put at risk.
However
, these are the pictures of a small proportion of
cities
 in less developed countries. As a matter of fact, today many more large
cities
 in developing and developed countries have suffered from these problems no more or at least on their way to being more suitable places to live.
For example
, in many
cities
Add a comma
,cities
show examples
 public contracts for roads and buildings now are only be awarded to firms that have a good environmental track with the permission of the city council, and the responsibility of the city council is to keep the green area above a certain level.
Additionally
, many governments are encouraging convenient, reliable and affordable public transports to reverse the trend of mass car ownership, and in some
cities
for instance
 Amsterdam there are networks of cycle lanes and other facilities for cyclists which are more environmentally sound. More importantly, large
cities
 are often equipped with the best medical care service
such
 as hospitals and ambulance system, which is essential to everyone and especially necessary for elder citizens.
Also
, young adults tend to have more accesses to sports facilities and equipment. Overall,
although
 living condition in big
cities
 still can be improved, I think the lifestyle there is actually getting healthier and healthier.
Submitted by henrybeee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • population density
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • healthcare facilities
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological well-being
  • recreational areas
  • social networks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: