IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #health
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Big
cities
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such
Linking Words
 as London, Melbourne and Vancouver have attracted millions of
people
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 to settle down there both domestically and internationally. While some
people
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 are worried that living in big
cities
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 could pose threats to
people
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's health, I tend to think
otherwise
Linking Words
 in general.
People
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 who have health concerns
towards
Change preposition
about
show examples
 life in big
cities
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 might argue that large
cities
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 are usually occupied with high buildings and bombarded with traffic congestion and that the manufacture of industries always cause air pollution and sometimes even water contamination.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is difficult for
people
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 who live there
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
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 access to fresh air and
Correct article usage
the nature
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nature
Replace the word
natural
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 environment, and
people
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's
life
Replace the word
lives
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 could be put at risk.
However
Linking Words
, these are the pictures of a small proportion of
cities
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 in less developed countries. As a matter of fact, today many more large
cities
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 in developing and developed countries have suffered from these problems no more or at least on their way to being more suitable places to live.
For example
Linking Words
, in many
Use synonyms
cities
Add a comma
,cities
show examples
 public contracts for roads and buildings now are only be awarded to firms that have a good environmental track with the permission of the city council, and the responsibility of the city council is to keep the green area above a certain level.
Additionally
Linking Words
, many governments are encouraging convenient, reliable and affordable public transports to reverse the trend of mass car ownership, and in some
cities
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for instance
Linking Words
 Amsterdam there are networks of cycle lanes and other facilities for cyclists which are more environmentally sound. More importantly, large
cities
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 are often equipped with the best medical care service
such
Linking Words
 as hospitals and ambulance system, which is essential to everyone and especially necessary for elder citizens.
Also
Linking Words
, young adults tend to have more accesses to sports facilities and equipment. Overall,
although
Linking Words
 living condition in big
cities
Use synonyms
 still can be improved, I think the lifestyle there is actually getting healthier and healthier.
Submitted by henrybeee on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • population density
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • healthcare facilities
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological well-being
  • recreational areas
  • social networks
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