In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Villagers do an urbanization to towns in several nations and make the population in the village experience a decline.
This
essay will discuss both advantages and disadvantages from my perspective.
One obvious reason of advantages from people want
to move to the city is that they can get a job with a big salary. Wrong verb form
wanting
In addition
, employment in the village does not have enough capacity to accommodate a lot of labourers in that area. For example
, society migrates to Jakarta to become a waitress and to be paid a minimum of 5 million rupiahs. So, they will become uninterest in work in small towns due to
small incomes of money.
On the other hand
, this
development can cause tough competition in the big cities in many countries. Meanwhile, in many villages, they lack of
workers Remove the preposition
apply
due to
the fact that all employers go to metropolitan towns. For instance
, the competition to find a deserving occupation in a company or a restaurant in Jakarta,
may be difficult if compared with Bulurejo Suburb.
In my view, Remove the comma
apply
this
cause can bring a negative development if happens for a long-term period because the number of citizens who are unemployed will experience a dramatic rise, especially in the capital town. At the same time, the development of the economy in some suburbs will decline drastically. The most effective way to reduce an unbalance between a big city and a township is the
government should make employment which is equal and have the same profit.
In conclusion, urbanization offers both advantages and disadvantages. Change preposition
for the
While
moving to cities provides better job opportunities and higher salaries, it also
leads to increased competition for jobs in urban areas and a decline in the workforce in several rural regions.Submitted by endrueliutamalo on
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Work on providing more detailed explanations and examples for your main points to strengthen your arguments and make your ideas clearer.
task achievement
In some sections, your ideas could benefit from more specific examples to illustrate your points better.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion well and give it a clear structure.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally supported, giving the essay a logical progression.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task adequately with a focus on both advantages and disadvantages of urbanization, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.