The promoters of social media claim that they are connecting people and enabling people to share like never before. While critics claim that social media site often impinge upon one’s privacy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#promoters #media #people #critics #site #one’s #privacy

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I am JOSUÉ BALMES AGUDELO PATIÑO, identified officially with a citizenship card from Ibagué,

Colombia

No. 14.230.923. The aim of

this

statement is to openly express my desire to sponsor my daughter, who is called MARIA LUCIA AGUDELO MOTTA, identified with a Colombian citizenship card 1.000.713.456 and passport No. AS407908. I will explain the personal and professional reasons to support my daughter

to carry

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in carrying

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out her studies. She has decided to study the “GRADUATE DIPLOMA IN PUBLIC HEALTH” at TORRENS UNIVERSITY because of the high-level program which is offered by

this

University. The main target is to dive deeper into new knowledge about the health public field to apply

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

cutting-edge and

based-evidence

Correct word choice

evidence-based

show examples

tools in

Colombia

Additionally

, her medium-term aim is to apply for a postgraduate degree in

Colombia

related to Internal Medicine, and

this

‘Graduate Diploma’ is a crucial part of her preparation not only to improve but

also

build

Fix the infinitive

to build

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a high-competitive Curriculum Vitae. The subjects and units offered by

this

program are not available in our native country and the current courses in

Colombia

related to

this

field have no proper educational quality. The aforementioned is explained because

this

program has a perfect balance between

their

Correct pronoun usage

its

show examples

core and elective units. First of all, the core subjects link training about social, cultural and

behavioral

Change the spelling

behavioural

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factors, with environmental issues and economic management in healthcare.

Besides

, they have

specialties

Change the spelling

specialities

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focused on ‘Digital Health and Informatics’

as well as

‘Health Policy and Advocacy’, which are directly linked to her clinical and research skills.

Then

, it is

well-known

Correct your spelling

well known

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that

Colombia

lacks digital and health informatics programs,

nevertheless

Add a comma

nevertheless,

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they are required to be learned and implemented.

As a consequence

this

, she wants to apply the knowledge she will acquire in her mother country.

Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on Thu Aug 08 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that the introduction clearly states the main argument and briefly previews the points you will discuss.

coherence cohesion

Use clearer transitional phrases to guide the reader through your points. This will enhance the logical flow of ideas.

task achievement

While you have supported your statements with specific examples, consider further elaborating on these examples to strengthen your argument.

task achievement

The essay addresses both views of the topic and provides a balanced discussion.

task achievement

The main points are generally clear and relevant to the topic.

coherence cohesion

There is a logical structure present, with distinct paragraphs addressing different aspects of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

290 words

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