The promoters of social media claim that they are connecting people and enabling people to share like never before. While critics claim that social media site often impinge upon one’s privacy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#promoters #media #people #critics #site #one’s #privacy

I am JOSUÉ BALMES AGUDELO PATIÑO, identified officially with a citizenship card from Ibagué,

Colombia

No. 14.230.923. The aim of

this

statement is to openly express my desire to sponsor my daughter, who is called MARIA LUCIA AGUDELO MOTTA, identified with a Colombian citizenship card 1.000.713.456 and passport No. AS407908. I will explain the personal and professional reasons to support my daughter

to carry

Change preposition

in carrying

show examples

out her studies. She has decided to study the “GRADUATE DIPLOMA IN PUBLIC HEALTH” at TORRENS UNIVERSITY because of the high-level program which is offered by

this

University. The main target is to dive deeper into new knowledge about the health public field to apply

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

cutting-edge and

based-evidence

Correct word choice

evidence-based

show examples

tools in

Colombia

Additionally

, her medium-term aim is to apply for a postgraduate degree in

Colombia

related to Internal Medicine, and

this

‘Graduate Diploma’ is a crucial part of her preparation not only to improve but

also

build

Fix the infinitive

to build

show examples

a high-competitive Curriculum Vitae. The subjects and units offered by

this

program are not available in our native country and the current courses in

Colombia

related to

this

field have no proper educational quality. The aforementioned is explained because

this

program has a perfect balance between

their

Correct pronoun usage

its

show examples

core and elective units. First of all, the core subjects link training about social, cultural and

behavioral

Change the spelling

behavioural

show examples

factors, with environmental issues and economic management in healthcare.

Besides

, they have

specialties

Change the spelling

specialities

show examples

focused on ‘Digital Health and Informatics’

as well as

‘Health Policy and Advocacy’, which are directly linked to her clinical and research skills.

Then

, it is

well-known

Correct your spelling

well known

show examples

that

Colombia

lacks digital and health informatics programs,

nevertheless

Add a comma

nevertheless,

show examples

they are required to be learned and implemented.

As a consequence

this

, she wants to apply the knowledge she will acquire in her mother country.

Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on Thu Aug 08 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that the introduction clearly states the main argument and briefly previews the points you will discuss.

coherence cohesion

Use clearer transitional phrases to guide the reader through your points. This will enhance the logical flow of ideas.

task achievement

While you have supported your statements with specific examples, consider further elaborating on these examples to strengthen your argument.

task achievement

The essay addresses both views of the topic and provides a balanced discussion.

task achievement

The main points are generally clear and relevant to the topic.

coherence cohesion

There is a logical structure present, with distinct paragraphs addressing different aspects of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

290 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.
People valuing process by social hierarchy and individual affluent in recent times become more suitable, by which old attribution, including individual prestige and benevolent act is become more irrelevant. I do agree that social flag and wealthiness is more imperative than individuals-old-fashioned judgement, such as honor and generosity, but the old one can not be abolished.
5
band
Nowadays people use bicycles less as a form of transport Why is this the case? What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more ?
It is true that less bicycles are used to transport these days. This writer believes that this is because of limited commuting ability and high theft possibility, while this can be addressed by constructing bike routes that are secure.
8
band
In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative situation?
Owing a house is more crucial than renting in some parts of the world. This essay will explicate the reasons behind it followed by the view that it is definitely a positive trend.
5.5
band
You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job. Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment. In your letter describe the problem with the equipment explain how this problem is affecting your work say what you want the shop or company to do
Dear Sir or Madam ,
5
band
There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
Students nowadays are under a lot of pressure to achieve academical success in order to get into a good university or secure a well paid job. For this reason some people argue that schools need to focus on academic subjects and vocational subjects should therefore not taught at schools. I would argue that while academic skills are important, schools need to teach a wide range of both academic and more skills-based subjects.

The promoters of social media claim that they are connecting people and enabling people to share like never before. While critics claim that social media site often impinge upon one’s privacy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.

Nowadays people use bicycles less as a form of transport Why is this the case? What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more ?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative situation?