IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say Technology is important. To what extent do you agree?

#people #technology
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The world has advanced quite a lot in technologies.
Everyday
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Every day
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 newer and newer technologies are coming into
market
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the market
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 causing existing on
obselete
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obsolete
.I believe
technology
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 is important for
Use synonyms
advancement
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the advancement
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 of
world
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the world
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 with application in almost any field.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the invention of various gadgets has improvised operations in most of the fields, conducting most of the complex procedures involving risk and time, thereby improving the quality of
work
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.
For
Linking Words
example
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,example
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 the automation in
contructions
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construction
constructions
 and production has changed the way of working. the
Current
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current
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 rate of production in a plant can be estimated to twice or thrice compared to plant production twenty years ago.
Secondly
Linking Words
, technological
advancement
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 in
medical
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the medical
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 sector has greatly
benifitted
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benefitted
benefited
the
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apply
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mankind to a very great extent. Diagnosis of most of the disease has become possible even at a very early stage.
User friendly
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User-friendly
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health
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 devices are helping people keep a check on
health
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.
For example
Linking Words
, the
smart watch
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smartwatch
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 invention has made it
userfriendly
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user-friendly
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 to measure heartbeat,BP and even the level of oxygen in blood in just some clicks.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Technology
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 has largely transformed the way of working in most of the fields.The
convenice
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convenience
 and the security working anywhere is possible without any problems.
For
Linking Words
example
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,example
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 the covid-19 has forced most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people to
work
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 from home.It was the
advance
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advanced
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technology
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which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 made it possible to
work
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 without compromising the quality and quantity of
work
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.
Neverthless
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Nevertheless
,
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Advancement
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the Advancement
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 of
technololgy
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technology
 has created a very big issue among the masses which was not present earlier,
Health
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 complication. Most of
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work
Add an article
the work
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are
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is
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 sitting in front of the laptop which has caused
this
Linking Words
 problem, Nowdays even children are getting addicted to mobiles and gaming
Replace the word
affecting
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effecting
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affecting
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 their
health
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 and even their mentality.
Conversly
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Conversely
these situation
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this situation
these situations
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 can be avoided by keeping
a
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apply
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strict control over
usage
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the usage
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 of technical gadget and balance life with some outdoor activities. To conclude,
technology
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 is a part of life and will be in future but a balance and control in usage will lead to a life with comfort and
advancement
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 in all aspects.
Submitted by nair.vishnu91 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
What to do next:
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