IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #amount #money #children
Financial maturity among
children
 is an interesting topic that often brings up mixed opinions.
Although
 there are many
people
 who agree
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 providing a small amount of
money
 to
children
 every week, the other half of parents are against the idea of offering
money
 to
children
 at the early stages of their life.
This
 essay agrees with the former and will discuss both points of view. On the one hand, exposing
children
 to take monetary decisions will definitely promote healthy spending habits in them. At the same time, it is
also
 absolutely essential for parents to enquire about their
children
 on how they spend
money
 which was given to them. If the child bought something which was not supposed to be a sensible choice, parents should explain
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to them
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why it was a wrong choice. It is
also
 necessary to take feedback from the
children
 on their reasoning behind the purchase. Consistent feedback on their financial decisions will necessitate them to think extensively before making any purchases in the future.
On the other hand
, some
people
 often say that
children
 could end up consuming illegal substances like drugs if they have
money
 in hand.
This
 is entirely a wrong perception as most of the illegal habits are often inherited from the bad company of their friends. So
instead
 of denying them
money
, an ideal choice would be to closely monitor the friend's circle of the child and ensure that they are not circled by suspicious
people
. To recapitulate, spending
money
 in the right manner is an art and many
people
, in spite of being matured are still finding it difficult to attain financial maturity. In order to achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial maturity, it is essential that the
children
 are given a role in making correct financial decisions at childhood itself.Remember, seeds imparted at the early stages
molds
Change the spelling
moulds
show examples
 the financial characteristics of a child rather than being a spendthrift in the future. Votes
Submitted by chautran654 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • independence
  • financial literacy
  • work ethic
  • effort and reward
  • impulsive purchases
  • budgeting skills
  • critical thinking
  • sense of entitlement
  • modest amounts
What to do next:
Look at other essays: