IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many children these days have their own mobile phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#children #phones
Technology
upgradation
Correct your spelling
up-gradation
up gradation
 has made the life of people much easier than before. Nowadays, most of the juveniles have their personal technological
gadgets
 which assert both merits and demerits to them which will be discussed in subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, there are a plethora of positive points of having cellphones
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age.
Firstly
,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of mobiles would be extremely beneficial for the masses to contact each other in emergency situations.
Moreover
, youngsters could call their
upbringers
Correct your spelling
upbringings
up bringers
 in case of any threat or danger.
Secondly
, upgraded mobile phones have myriad applications for different purposes which are helpful in completing their daily chores
such
 as alarms or reminders.
Thirdly
, conversating through cellulars helps the young buddings to remove the feeling of home-sickness and
kepp
Correct your spelling
keep
 in touch with their family members. To exemplify, according to a survey by a leading newspaper, it has been estimated that 65% of adults are using applications
such
 as Facetime, Skype,
etcetra
Correct your spelling
etcetera
 to communicate with family and friends which
further
 make them feel distressed and happy. On the paradoxical side, every aspect has its negative points too.
First
 of all, it is an undeniable fact that excess usage of
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 body as these
gadgets
 emit dangerous waves which are detrimental for children.
In addition
 to
this
, using mobiles for long hours puts an adverse effect on the eyesight of a person.
Second
 of all, operating technological
gadgets
 is just a wastage of time because
instead
 of concentrating on academics, teenagers start surfing on internet and get distracted from their primary work. To epitomize, according to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research,
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 has been found that in
this
 contemporary society, 70% of young individuals prefer to play games on their own devices rather than studying from those phones. Pondering over the topic, there are numerous advantages and drawbacks of having smart
gadgets
 with children,
however
, I firmly opine that its benefits outweigh its disadvantages as mobiles are crucial for juveniles in emergency circumstances and gaining knowledge through
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
Submitted by on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: