Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed.

#television #children #two #five

has become our important daily life item because it is where we can get information and entertainment from.

However

, it arises an issue whether

advertising directed toward

children

should be banned or not. Many believe that the industry should not advertise to young

children

as they still do not know what is good or bad for them.

In contrast

this

believe

Replace the word

belief

show examples

, I think

for

children

is fine as long as there are regulations and parents’ control over the

children

First

of all, I believe that it is parents’ responsibility to know what their

children

see on the

. Obviously, the

children

cannot be left alone when they watch the

. Parents need to be on their side to see what the

shows them to determine whether it is good or bad for their

children

For example

, when an

appears to have a negative influence

toward

Change preposition

show examples

the child, the parents can immediately switch the channel or turn off the

Therefore

, the child would not be affected by

such

Correct article usage

an advertisement

show examples

Secondly

, rather than banning

for

children

, I think it would be better if the government make a regulation on the content of the

instead

This

way, the company can still promote their product to the

children

in an ethical manner. The regulation should include rules

such

as the prohibition for the

to contain explicit language or suggestion that

children

should force their parents to buy their products. To sum up, in my opinion,

made for young

children

should be allowed and we cannot forbid companies to advertise their products.

This

is because

parents’

Correct your spelling

parents

show examples

are responsible to control what their

children

see on

and because there is an alternative way where the government makes rules for the advertising company.

Submitted by rizkairianty on Sat Apr 17 2021

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

301 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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