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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some experts believe that is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#experts #children #language #school #outweigh
Most of the
people
 were smoking in public
places
 like shopping malls, Movie theatres, and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Public vehicles. So the
government
 introduced a law,
smoking
Correct word choice
that smoking
show examples
 is injurious to
health
 and
people
 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
smoking in public
places
 will be punished critically.
Although
 I will disagree with
this
 statement. Recently, the Anti-Smoking
committee
Capitalize word
Committee
show examples
 did a survey on
people
 who are smoking, Nearly 30% of
people
 smoke every day in Public
places
.
While
people
 smoking in public
places
 was disturbing the other masses.
However
, smoking is legal in our country. But smoking in public
places
were
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 illegal and
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
health
 problems
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the public
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
, masses who breathe cigarette smoke will
also
 spoil their
health
 conditions.
For instance
, my uncle smokes a lot every day. It impacts my aunt's
health
also
 now she has one lung problem
due to
 breathing cigarette smoke every day. Of course, it's not an act of snatching the smoker's freedom,it's an act of controlling smokers. The
government
 started advertising the causes of smoking in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Movie theatres and everywhere.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 the
government
 was not taking any complete action against banning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tobacco
due to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 lot of income it was generating from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tobacco.
Although
 the
government
 was taking safety measures to keep the public safe every moment.
To conclude
, In my opinion, the
government
took
Verb problem
made
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 write decision banning tobacco in Public
places
 will be beneficial to
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many masses.
However
, some
people
 think that the
government
 is snatching their freedom but
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 incorrect.
While they
Correct word choice
They
show examples
 don't know that the
government
 is taking care of them and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by sivahunk32 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • pronunciation
  • self-conscious
  • cultural awareness
  • global society
  • proficiency levels
  • competitive job market
  • foundational skills
  • qualified teachers
  • recreational activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: