IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that protecting the environment is the government’s responsibility. Others believe that every individual should be responsible for it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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People hold different views about whether the government should shoulder the responsibility of preserving the
environment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 or each person is
a
Change the article
apply

It appears that the article a is unnecessary before the adjective responsible. Consider making a change.

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responsible . From my standpoint, it will be more beneficial if both the country’s authorities and individuals share the responsibility. On the one hand, the government may play a pivotal role in maintaining the
environment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 safe and healthy. It is authorities that should introduce the legislation in order to mitigate environmental problems,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as air pollution and more. To illustrate, there should be some laws encouraging factories to move to the countrysides rather than staying in cities.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 could help urban areas to be
further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 protected from the poisonous fumes, which are always discharged from firms. Another prominent role the government could play would be creating TV programs to educate citizens
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma in a compound predicate. Consider removing it.

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 and to persuade them to care
Change preposition
about

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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nature more. Being informed of the consequences of their activities, individuals may endeavour to alter their ways, to avoid harming the
environment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is undeniable that each person can play an important role in protecting their own neighbourhood. Cars are considered to be a major source of air pollution. Their exhaust gases contaminate the air, ranging from carbon dioxide to unburnt carbon.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, by using their own vehicles only in rare cases, people would be able to protect the
environment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Another opportunity available to individuals is recycling. By stopping plastic waste from entering and contaminating waterways people are able to conserve drinkable water and its inhabitants. In conclusion, due to
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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 large amount of work involved, mobilising all the possible forces is a more sensible approach. It is,
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, likely that joint efforts of both the governments and their citizens would result in the most effective way of preserving the
environment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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