IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because consumers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#years #shops #consumers #travel #centres #malls #development
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Due to
constructions
Correct article usage
the constructions
show examples
 of huge shopping
malls
Add a comma
,malls
show examples
 people tend to shop from these
centres
Use synonyms
instead
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 of choosing tiny grocery
stores
Use synonyms
 and many small scale
stores
Use synonyms
 are badly affected owing to
this
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 trend. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
positive
development
Use synonyms
 progress.
Initially
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss more employment opportunities in these
centres
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
availability
Add an article
the availability
show examples
 of international brands.
To begin
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 with, the foremost positive impact of the big shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 is that number of jobless people hired by these
stores
Use synonyms
.
There
Replace the word
Their
show examples
 people can get
job
Add an article
a job
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 in various categories
such
Linking Words
 as security, cleaners and customers care.
As a result
Linking Words
, it helps to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment from the globe.
For instance
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, a survey conducted recently by BBC News
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
revealed that 27% of the world illiterate workless population are working in vast shopping
stores
Use synonyms
 and earning income to survive in
this
Linking Words
 world.
Therefore
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, unemployment has been reducing gradually by various large shopping malls.
Besides
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, the
second
Linking Words
 positive
development
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 trend is that our society became more
consumerism
Replace the word
consumerist
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. Customers are able to obtain their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 brands from these
stores
Use synonyms
 which are not possible to get through small shops.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they can consume those things which are only consumed by foreigners.
For example
Linking Words
, several malls have branded clothing
stores
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Nike,
addidas
Correct your spelling
Adidas
Addidas
 or Gucci and
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation prefer to wear these types
clothes
Change preposition
of clothes
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 due to easy accessibility through big shopping
centres
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, these complexes are satisfying the
consumers
Change to a genitive case
consumer's
consumers'
show examples
 needs which is the essential motto of
this
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
. To conclude,
this
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 essay supports the idea that there are more positive elements than negative in the terms of getting jobs and fulfilling consumers requirement with imported items and these both things are difficult to provide by small shops.
Thus
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, I consider
this
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 to be a positive
development
Use synonyms
 overall.
Submitted by AMARJIT SINGH on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic downturns
  • entrepreneurs
  • cultural implications
  • generic
  • identity
  • environmental considerations
  • carbon footprint
  • community interaction
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • promotion of competition
  • innovation
  • local communities
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