In some countries, employees are generally given two weeks of paid vacation time each year. In other countries, employees are given four or six weeks of paid vacation time.  Considering the needs of both employee and employer, what do you think is a reasonable amount of paid vacation time for employers to have?. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowlege or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Workers have generally
two
weeks
of paid
vacation
per year in some countries. In other countries, they get
four
or six
weeks
of
remunerate
Wrong verb form
remunerated
show examples
leave
time
. It is my belief that
companies
must give at least six
weeks
of paid
vacation
to reward the effort made throughout the year.
Companies
need to understand that
two
weeks
are not enough for rest and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
time
with family and friends. Employees are more efficient when they have a fair quantity of free
time
, so they have to perform their duties consecuently with the
vacation
time
given. Some studies have shown that
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
average, people spend
two
to three
weeks
on
vacation
, and they end
more
Change preposition
up more
show examples
exhausted than they were at the beginning. That being said, there is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
time
remaining to
appropiately
Correct your spelling
appropriately
appropriate
rest and have
friends's
Remove the s
friends'
show examples
gatherings, so they finish their
vacation
overwhelmet
Correct your spelling
overwhelmed
by
this
fact.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
the ability to
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
some tasks is
compromise
Wrong verb form
compromised
show examples
as well as
the
comany's
Correct your spelling
company's
income. Employees who
four
Add a missing verb
have four
show examples
weeks
of paid
vacation
are given
frecuently
Correct your spelling
frequently
perform their work more efficiently than the others who
less
Add a missing verb
have less
show examples
vacation
are given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
workers have to be aware of acting
accordingly
with
this
measure some
companies
have taken. If a chairman gives more free
time
to his workers, it must be reflected in higher income than the
companies
that give only
two
weeks
. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, from my perspective,
four
weeks
of
rewarded
Replace the word
reward
show examples
vacation
are reasonable. It is enough
time
to rest
porperly
Correct your spelling
properly
and
enoy
Correct your spelling
enjoy
time
with our families,
while
improves
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
employer performance. All
companies
should bring
four
weeks
of paid
vacation
, so people can have a happy life.
Submitted by otiyog on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Work on your sentence structure and grammar. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can be improved for better readability.
supporting ideas
Provide more specific examples and data to support your points more effectively. This will help in making your argument stronger and more convincing.
linking ideas
Make sure to clearly explain how your points relate back to the main argument. Currently, some points are not effectively tied back to your main thesis.
organization
The essay presents a clear introduction and a conclusion, both of which are well defined.
task response
Your main arguments are relevant to the topic and address the key aspects of the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: