IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, employees are generally given two weeks of paid vacation time each year. In other countries, employees are given four or six weeks of paid vacation time. Considering the needs of both employee and employer, what do you think is a reasonable amount of paid vacation time for employers to have?. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowlege or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Workers have generally
two
Use synonyms
weeks
Use synonyms
 of paid
vacation
Use synonyms
 per year in some countries. In other countries, they get
four
Use synonyms
 or six
weeks
Use synonyms
 of
remunerate
Wrong verb form
remunerated
show examples
 leave
time
Use synonyms
. It is my belief that
companies
Use synonyms
 must give at least six
weeks
Use synonyms
 of paid
vacation
Use synonyms
 to reward the effort made throughout the year.
Companies
Use synonyms
 need to understand that
two
Use synonyms
weeks
Use synonyms
 are not enough for rest and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 with family and friends. Employees are more efficient when they have a fair quantity of free
time
Use synonyms
, so they have to perform their duties consecuently with the
vacation
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 given. Some studies have shown that
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 average, people spend
two
Use synonyms
 to three
weeks
Use synonyms
 on
vacation
Use synonyms
, and they end
more
Change preposition
up more
show examples
 exhausted than they were at the beginning. That being said, there is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 remaining to
appropiately
Correct your spelling
appropriately
appropriate
 rest and have
friends's
Remove the s
friends'
show examples
 gatherings, so they finish their
vacation
Use synonyms
overwhelmet
Correct your spelling
overwhelmed
 by
this
Linking Words
 fact.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 the ability to
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
 some tasks is
compromise
Wrong verb form
compromised
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 the
comany's
Correct your spelling
company's
 income. Employees who
Use synonyms
four
Add a missing verb
have four
show examples
weeks
Use synonyms
 of paid
vacation
Use synonyms
 are given
frecuently
Correct your spelling
frequently
 perform their work more efficiently than the others who
less
Add a missing verb
have less
show examples
vacation
Use synonyms
are given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 workers have to be aware of acting
accordingly
Linking Words
 with
this
Linking Words
 measure some
companies
Use synonyms
 have taken. If a chairman gives more free
time
Use synonyms
 to his workers, it must be reflected in higher income than the
companies
Use synonyms
 that give only
two
Use synonyms
weeks
Use synonyms
. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, from my perspective,
four
Use synonyms
weeks
Use synonyms
 of
rewarded
Replace the word
reward
show examples
vacation
Use synonyms
 are reasonable. It is enough
time
Use synonyms
 to rest
porperly
Correct your spelling
properly
 and
enoy
Correct your spelling
enjoy
time
Use synonyms
 with our families,
while
Linking Words
improves
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 employer performance. All
companies
Use synonyms
 should bring
four
Use synonyms
weeks
Use synonyms
 of paid
vacation
Use synonyms
, so people can have a happy life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Work on your sentence structure and grammar. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can be improved for better readability.
supporting ideas
Provide more specific examples and data to support your points more effectively. This will help in making your argument stronger and more convincing.
linking ideas
Make sure to clearly explain how your points relate back to the main argument. Currently, some points are not effectively tied back to your main thesis.
organization
The essay presents a clear introduction and a conclusion, both of which are well defined.
task response
Your main arguments are relevant to the topic and address the key aspects of the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: