Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting hapinness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

#people #money #factors #hapinness #happiness

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It is true that money plays an indispensable role in every individual's

life

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, which helps them find

hapinness

Correct your spelling

happiness

and merriment. In my opinion, people cannot remain in a happy state without money, as

life

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becomes quite challenging without it.

Furthermore

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, having peace and sublime health are the two aspects

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

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makes

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make

show examples

person

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live with merriment.

To begin

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with, being financially stable is of paramount importance because without it human living becomes quite burdensome. The reason for

this

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is that without finances carrying out menial tasks,

such

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as doing groceries, buying clothes, paying bills and so on, becomes immensely tedious for an individual.

As a result

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, citizens

starts

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start

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relying on relatives and parents for financial aid.

Furthermore

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, if being contingent on family and friends continue for longer periods, a

person

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may eventually lose their identity and begin to have suicidal thoughts.

For instance

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, it was recently reported in

Times

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the Times

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of India newspaper that a doctor, who was the sole

breadearner

Correct your spelling

bread earner

bread-earner

of his family, attempted suicide after failing to provide monetary support to his wife and children. There are,

however

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, two aspects

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

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are considered to be a blessing and

brings

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bring

show examples

immense mirth and gratification

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

person

Replace the word

personal

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existence. The

first

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one

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is health, if a

person

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is healthy, they can easily overcome any obstacles they face during their lifetime.

However

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, being sick or handicap may deprive them of leading a normal lifestyle. Another

one

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is peace, there are many underprivileged

family

Change to a plural noun

families

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who can barely afford

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one time

Add a hyphen

one-time

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meal, but

are

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show examples

leading a peaceful

life

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, while there others though hail from

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apply

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affluent families are under depression. Taking celebrities as an example, seven out of ten actors and actresses undergo rehabilitation to overcome anxiety and to find

tranquility

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tranquillity

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. In conclusion, I believe that having money is imperative, for

one

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would not be able to act freely and every trivial

tasks

Change to a singular noun

task

show examples

becomes

Change the verb form

become

show examples

arduous.

Moreover

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, having

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sound health and

peaceful

Correct article usage

a peaceful

show examples

life

Use synonyms

brings abundance satisfaction to human beings.

Submitted by ieltsspeaking760 on Mon Apr 26 2021

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

325 words

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Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting hapinness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

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Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries govrnments are investing in new technology to deal with the public why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?