Children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #people #government #responsibility

These days,

children

are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility.To a certain extent, I agree that the authorities need to be in charge of

this

trend, I believe that individuals ought to be responsible for the negative tendency. On the one hand, I would agree that the government should have the responsibility for

this

phenomenon. In the other words, the

children

mostly stay at home like animals in the zoo.

Instead

of taking outdoor activities, they spend a lot of time watching shows on television or playing online games on their personal computer.

Moreover

, the authorities may have not a lot of health

awarness

Correct your spelling

awareness

operations for kids. The curriculum of many schools

are

Change the verb form

show examples

mainly focus on mathematics or natural science subjects whereas the

important

Replace the word

importance

show examples

of healthy subjects are neglected. Alternatively, I

also

think that the accountability of parents is locked out of

this

trend.

Firstly

, adults shape their unhealthy eating habits for their kids by making use of junk and fast foods for their

maily

Correct your spelling

daily

dishes.

As a result

children

are prone to be

stoutness

Replace the word

stout

show examples

as those foods cause contain a large number of sugar and fats which leads to

put

Change the verb form

putting

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

weight.

Secondly

, the unacceptable sleeping habits of the parents has a gloomy impact

for

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show examples

their

children

. Specifically, adults keep their eyes glued to

screen

Correct article usage

the screen

show examples

technologic

Replace the word

technological

show examples

devices for several hours in lieu of communicating with their

children

This

causes the problem that kids are able to imitate

this

undesirable behaviour and spend

also

a lot of time on smart devices

what

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

suffer from eye diseases. In conclusion, it is certainly true that the responsibility of the government in the increase of overweight

children

is evident, but

this

is no by means that of parents is overlooked.

Submitted by Dương Nguyễn on Tue Apr 27 2021

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

294 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people argue that if children behave badly they parent should accept responsibility for the behaviour of children. Do you agree or disagree.

Some people think the money spent on developing technology for space exploration is not justified. However, there are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In several parts of the world, humans live near protected areas that preserve and protect wildlife. what problems could this situation cause? what solutions you can suggest?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefit teenagers at the school. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?