IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time. Reason and examples....

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Introduction
Nowadays, some individuals believe that
children
Use synonyms
 are given too much free
time
Use synonyms
. They feel that
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 should be used to do more
school work
Correct your spelling
schoolwork
. We will discuss how
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
I think
children
Use synonyms
 should spend their free
time
Use synonyms
. Reason and examples. I believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should be
arrangement
Wrong verb form
arranged
show examples
and
coordination
Replace the word
coordinated
 between free
time
Use synonyms
 and school work for two reasons:
first,
Linking Words
to make discipline
-
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 person, and
second,
Linking Words
to create
independent
Correct article usage
an independent
show examples
 person.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I think
children
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 should
dividing
Wrong verb form
divide
show examples
their free
time
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 depending on their age and duties.
This
Linking Words
 is because the age
is indicating
Wrong verb form
indicates
show examples
 at which grade and duties are drawing the line of concentration and attention to settle your leisure
time
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 hours.
For example
Linking Words
, some
children
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 like to do puzzles to fill their free
time
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 others focus on an outing and video games.
Therefore
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, parents should help their
children
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 to set up
schedule
Correct article usage
a schedule
show examples
 to get better result to enhance their performance.
Body paragraph 2
Another important point is that
children
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 should
dividing
Wrong verb form
divide
show examples
 their free
time
Use synonyms
 depending on desire and passion.
In other words
Linking Words
,
children
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’s desire
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the ability and opportunities to engage in society, and
children
Use synonyms
’s passion raise capability to support their mindset and goals.
Conclusion
In conclusion, all these
divide
Replace the word
dividing
 ways reflect their success in the future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that changing their free
time
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 helps them
growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
and
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part. Say that children need both school work and free time, and say how much time or what kind of plan is best.
task response
Make each main idea clear and explain it more. For example, show how games, sport, reading, or time with friends can help a child learn, rest, and grow.
task response
Use one full example for each main point. The puzzle and video game example is useful, but explain why these things are good and how parents can set limits.
task response
Do not write the task words again, such as “Reason and examples.” Use this space to give your own ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: first part with your view, one body part for free time and health, one body part for school work and a plan, then a short end.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and an example. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care: “First,” “For example,” “Also,” “As a result,” and “In the end.” Make sure the next sentence clearly follows the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same point of view. The essay moves between “I think,” “your leisure time,” and “their free time.” Use “children” and “their” more often for a clear flow.
task response
You give a clear main view that children should share time between school work and free time.
task response
You include real child activities, such as puzzles, outings, and video games.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a beginning, two main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful link words such as “To begin with,” “For example,” “whereas,” and “In conclusion.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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