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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some parents believe that extra private lesson outside school hours, where students work alone with a teach, can help them do better at school. Others disagree. What are the advantages and disadvantages of private tuition? And give your opinion.

#parents #lesson #school #hours #students #work #teach #tuition
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It is sometimes argued among parents that sending
students
 to private tuition, is a good choice to boost their children's knowledge,
whereas
 others believe it to be the opposite. Both sides have valid reasons for them and I will be discussing them in my essay.
To begin
 with, the pros of extra classes are numerous.
Firstly
,
students
 won't be studying alone as they will be around a tutor to help them out during a problem and,
this
 will assure the guardians that the teenager is not messing around, but giving extra concentration on the academic side.
Secondly
, apart from school lessons,
students
 will gain more knowledge on the subject and that will make them score
good
Change the word
well
show examples
 and broaden their way of thinking. Another reason could be
time
 management, parents might want their
students
 to spend some fractions of
time
 in study only and, sending
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 a private mentor would make their children more organised and will learn to manage
time
, down the line.
On the contrary
, some parents argue the fact that spending more
time
 on studies is all but,
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of money.
For instance
, if a child is more inclined toward physical activity and has a good career in it, he won't be concentrating
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 private classes at all, but frittering away his
parent's
Change noun form
parents'
show examples
 money.
Also
, studying outside school hours could make them feel swamped and they will get less
time
 to play outdoors.
Additionally
,
this
 could become a family pressure if, a child is made to take extra classes to become the top of the class. In my opinion, extra lessons are not required if a student is already enrolled on the subject in school.
This
 would make them redo the same topics over and over and some
students
 might get irritated and
this
 could bring anger to them
not to mention
 stress.
For instance
, if a student is under pressure and is made to aim for the first prize, he could
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 a wrong decision,
maybe
Correct word choice
or maybe
show examples
 he could cheat in exams.
To conclude
, both sides have valid arguments
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if
Change preposition
about if
show examples
 private tuition is fruitful to a graduate's life or if it is disadvantaging to him.
However
, the second case has more weight than the first.
Submitted by Jagdeep Kaur on

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task response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. You should present a clear position throughout the response.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the organization and linking of ideas. Make sure that your introduction and conclusion thoroughly present the topic and the writer's opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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