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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children’s success in adulthood is related to the way they have been raised by their parents. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and examples.

Parents
Use synonyms
 have a critical role in the success of every child. It is often thought that the upbringing of
children
Use synonyms
 would decide their future achievement. I strongly
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement because
parents
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 are not only the
influencial
Correct your spelling
influential
 figure but they are
also
Linking Words
 mentors for the younger ones.
To begin
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 with,
children
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 are highly influenced by their either father or mother as
first
Linking Words
 4 or 5 years of
life
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 a child mostly revolves around them and even, until they mature enough .
In other words
Linking Words
, the
children
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‘s view and attitude towards their surrounding often created at
this
Linking Words
 stage of
life
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a large number of
children
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 follow the
foot steps
Correct your spelling
footsteps
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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 and secure the same profession
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
 their
parents
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.
This
Linking Words
 happens as they are exposed to
parents
Use synonyms
 lifestyle and understand about what are the right directions. Eventually, the knowledge would cultivate a good personality in them and would make them reach a better position. Another point here is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 can show what is good and bad. Since they have a lot of experience in their
life
Use synonyms
, would guide the
children
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 to guide
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right direction. They could teach them
life
Use synonyms
 lessons by telling moral stories and correcting them when they go wrong as
children
Use synonyms
 are closely monitored by either father or mother, a minute deviation from the normal behaviour can be easily identified and corrected. Most of the
parents
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 set an example for their offspring via their
life
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. A good illustration here is that many case study of criminals were noted that problematic upbringing style is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the reasons why they turned to become criminals. If they would have corrected in the beginning, they would not be a criminal.
Therefore
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, how
children
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 are raised can determine their
further
Linking Words
 development. In conclusion, some people believe that the way raising
children
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 by
parents
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 can have
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 impact on their
further
Linking Words
 development. I firmly support
this
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 as
parental
Add an article
the parental
show examples
 figure can both motivate and influence the younger ones.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • parenting style
  • authoritative
  • authoritarian
  • permissive
  • uninvolved
  • socially competent
  • academic achievements
  • parental involvement
  • conducive
  • academic success
  • motivation
  • confidence
  • expectations
  • resilience
  • challenges
  • socioeconomic status
  • extracurricular activities
  • stable living environment
  • opportunities
  • mitigate
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