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Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
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Since
children
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 are the future of a nation, some
people
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 believe that they should be required to engage in unpaid community
work
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 while they are at school and it must
made
Change the verb form
make
be made
show examples
 part of high school curriculum programmes. I completely agree with
above
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the above
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 statement, because of the benefits it brings to pupils.
This
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 essay will substantiate my opinion in the following paragraph with relevant examples. There are numerous reasons that unpaid
work
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 helps
children
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 to grow
further
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, along with, soft skills as well as activities
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
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 valued by universities and employers.
Firstly
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,
Education
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 plays a very important role in the lives of
people
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, at
earlier
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an earlier
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 age if
children
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 do some kind of charity
work
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 that will help them to understand what type of situation other
people
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 were going through.
Education
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 should not be limited or strictly academic.
Education
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 will develop life skills
such
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 as teamwork, helping others, and self-discipline.
Besides
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, others topics are parallelly important so that should not be neglect.
In addition
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, in high school’s students have a lot of
burden
Change to a plural noun
burdens
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 to complete their tasks and submissions but if they manage time on weekends to spend time doing charity
work
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such
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 as helping
children
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 in hard subjects, or taught them some difficult sports.
On the other hand
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, not only
children
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 build good bonding with the neighbourhood or with those
people
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 but
also
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, they do admire them. When school students interact with
people
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, they get to learn a lot of life skills, when they help poor or disabled
people
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, they will learn to appreciate their own life and they would realize that they have got many things that other
people
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 don’t have.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 kind of
work
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experience
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 students will never forget and keep doing voluntary
work
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 whenever they get spare time.
Children
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 could add charity
work
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experience
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 in future when they are looking for jobs and that
experience
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count
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counts
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 a high value. Many colleges and companies are
also
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 increasingly looking for
this
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 type of
experience
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. To conclude, considering above mentioned points, it is evident that, teenagers should be made to partake in unpaid
work
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 as part of their schooling because it will help them in many ways mostly in
learn
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learning
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 things they would not ordinarily learn from their teachers and it will
also
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 boost their chances of getting into
third
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 level
education
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 and select in job interviews in future.
Submitted by ankitacommon on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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