IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people believe that reducing the income gap between the rich and the poor can lead to happier societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The concept of reducing the
income
Use synonyms
gap
Use synonyms
 between the rich and the poor is often associated with the creation of a happier
society
Use synonyms
. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 sentiment, as closing the
income
Use synonyms
 disparity has significant implications for societal well-being,
although
Linking Words
 it is not the sole determinant of
happiness
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a narrowing
income
Use synonyms
gap
Use synonyms
 can address many root causes of social dissatisfaction. When wealth is more evenly distributed, it can lead to improved access to essential services
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare, education, and housing for those at the lower end of the economic spectrum.
This
Linking Words
 access empowers individuals, improves their quality of life, and can lead to higher levels of satisfaction and
happiness
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a smaller
income
Use synonyms
gap
Use synonyms
 reduces feelings of inequality and injustice, fostering social cohesion and reducing societal tensions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, reducing
income
Use synonyms
 inequality can have positive economic outcomes. It can lead to greater consumer spending and economic growth, as a larger portion of the population has disposable
income
Use synonyms
 to contribute to the economy.
Such
Linking Words
 economic stability may contribute to a general sense of well-being and
happiness
Use synonyms
 within
society
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, economic equality alone does not automatically result in a happier
society
Use synonyms
. Other factors,
such
Linking Words
 as political stability, cultural values, social networks, and personal freedom, play crucial roles in determining
overall
Linking Words
happiness
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, an overemphasis on
income
Use synonyms
 redistribution without addressing underlying issues
such
Linking Words
 as economic productivity and innovation can have negative consequences,
such
Linking Words
 as reduced incentives for hard work and entrepreneurship. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 reducing the
income
Use synonyms
gap
Use synonyms
 can contribute to societal
happiness
Use synonyms
 by enhancing equality and access to essential resources, it must be part of a broader strategy that includes addressing other factors impacting well-being. Only
then
Linking Words
 can a truly happier
society
Use synonyms
 be achieved.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider elaborating on specific examples or studies that connect income inequality with societal happiness. This would strengthen your argument and provide clearer, more comprehensive ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly transitions to the next. Although your structure is logical, enhancing the cohesion between ideas will improve flow.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument and summarizing your viewpoint.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion, considering both sides of the argument concerning income inequality and happiness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: